When kids grow up, they pay more attention on themselves. This is a completely normal phenomenon as kids become aware of who they are and go through new cultural and social dynamics. Usually, children are averse to the thought of being an odd one out in a crowd. So they focus on their own behaviour and looks in order to fit in the crowd. Experts usually call this developmental phase as the ‘imaginary audience’, when kids believe that everyone’s attention is on them. Rest assured as this kind of self-focus is normal, but it becomes wrong when it turns into selfish behaviour.
What Causes Selfish Behaviour in a Child?
There are many causes of selfish behaviour in a child, and the parents may be the ones directly or indirectly contributing to it.
Here are a few causes of selfishness in a child:
- Parents spoiling their child for their own negative reasons like avoidance, guilt, compensation or ‘love’ leads to selfish behaviour in him.
- The feeling of neglect can make a child selfish.
- When a child is angry, depressed, or anxious and nobody pays attention to him, he may become a recluse and start focusing on himself without caring about others.
- When your child is jealous of a sibling, he may become selfish.
- When a parent or some other family member acts selfish, and the child may model his behaviour as yours.
- When parents don’t set limits for a child, he may become selfish and spoiled. Lack of discipline may also make a child selfish.
- A child may become self-obsessed if his parents don’t teach him the value of being selfless.
- When a kid has underdeveloped emotional intelligence and doesn’t know how to understand other’s emotions.
If your child grabs something from his friend yelling ‘mine!’ or takes the last cookie from a plate immediately without asking anyone else or refuses to share his toys, he may be selfish.
How to Raise an Unselfish Kid?
How to deal with a selfish child? The first step to changing a child’s selfish behaviour is by realising that this behaviour is a big problem and not a temporary phase. To mend your child’s unselfish behaviour, here is what you can do.
1. Get to the Root
Start by getting to the crux of the problem, i.e. finding out the reason for your child’s selfishness. Is it something new? Is he fighting with his siblings? Are your rules too weak? Is there some problem at school? Before worrying about the consequences, first, make a list and see what has changed around your child recently, which might be contributing to his selfish behaviour.
2. Do Not Tolerate
To correct your child’s behaviour, tell him that such behaviour will not be tolerated. You have to be consistent and firm as this might be hard if the child is used to his every whim being fulfilled. Set rules that selfishness can never be displayed at home. Show your disapproval if your kid acts selfishly. Make sure you tell him why selfishness is wrong and make him aware of its consequences.
3. Teach Empathy
Children who can put themselves in other’s shoes and feel someone’s pain are more likely to be generous and unselfish. So teach your child empathy by pointing out other people’s emotions. Point out mannerisms and facial expressions of people around him to help him understand the difference between happy and sad. You can also role-play to help your child imagine how he would feel in a specific situation. Ask him, ‘how would he feel in a similar situation?’ This will build empathy in him.
4. Point Out Selflessness
The best way to cure selfishness is by pointing out the opposite. There will be times when your child would do selfless deeds as well; when you notice his unselfish or generous acts, praise him. Make sure to describe his act to him and point out why it was right and why it made the other person happy. If you do so, your child will be likely to repeat the deed more often.
5. Set Limitations
Kids become selfish if they are used to getting what they want. This is why you need to set proper limits for your child and stick to them. Avoid giving in if he cries or throws tantrums. Stand strong and make sure that he understands that he will not get what he wants whenever he wants it, especially with such behaviour. Tell others in your family too, to follow your example and not indulge in any way.
6. Be a Role Model
Kids follow by example and who better to lead them than you, the parent? Show your kid how to be unselfish by doing generous acts in front of him. Remember to draw his attention to the good deeds you do so that he can know how to behave in the same way in the future. Kids mimic their parents, so be a good role model for him, he will become selfless just like you.
7. Reward Your Child
You can also reward your child whenever he performs any unselfish deed. Praise him for it and tell him why his act was so considerate. This will act as positive reinforcement and encourage him to repeat such deeds going ahead.
Kids behaviour can be modified when they are young. If your child’s behaviour is selfish, follow the above tips, and you’ll be sure of proactively raising an unselfish child who is generous and considerate.
Also Read: Egocentrism in Kids