Mother Daughter Relationship – Importance and Tips to Improve It

The relationship between a mother and daughter is special. A mother’s love for her daughter cannot be described in words. Some things are hard to say, but it can be felt. The bond between a mother and daughter is strong, and the mother-daughter bonding can start at an early age. However, sometimes, the relation between a mother and her daughter may get a little complicated.

On some days, you might go shopping with your daughter and have fun or just sit with her at home and listen to her when she tells you about her big dreams and future plans, but there will also be days when your daughter will not listen to you or disobey you. At that time, you might feel that your relationship is falling apart, but deep down, you’d know that your daughter loves you. Yes, in her teenage years, she might behave a little strangely, but she will come around. And it is during these years that you will have to work hard on your relationship. Let’s get some more insight into the mother-daughter relationship.

Why Is a Mother-Daughter Relationship Important?

The relationship that a girl shares with her mother can affect her sense of self-esteem, self-worth, sense of identity, and her ability to make friends. Children who are encouraged and praised (healthy praise, of course!) by their parents grow up to be confident individuals. If a child is not appreciated by her parents, she may seek validation from others.

When a girl is in her teenage years, she usually looks up to her mother. Her mother is her role model and she wishes to be like her. She gets her perfect image of a woman from her mother. But the relationship between a mother and daughter can go through many ups and downs. Many things can derail the harmonious relationship between a mother and her daughter. Temperaments, personality, experiences, hormones can all affect their relationship. Whatever may be the cause, it can be worked upon.

Types of Unhealthy Mother-Daughter Relationships

The relationship between mom and daughter is one of the most significant relationships in a woman’s life, but not all are healthy or supportive. Below are eight types of unhealthy mother-daughter relationships, explained in more detail.

1. The Overbearing Relationship

In an overbearing relationship, the mother exerts excessive control over her daughter’s life, from career choices to personal relationships. This lack of autonomy can leave the daughter feeling stifled, anxious, and unable to make decisions independently, leading to resentment over time.

2. The Distant Relationship

This type is marked by minimal communication and a lack of emotional intimacy. Whether due to emotional unavailability or physical distance, the daughter may feel neglected or undervalued, often leading to feelings of isolation and difficulty forming close relationships later in life.

3. The Competitive Relationship

In a competitive dynamic, the mother views her daughter as a rival instead of offering support. Whether it’s competing over appearances, achievements, or relationships, this constant comparison fosters resentment and insecurity, often damaging the daughter’s self-worth.

4. The Judgmental Relationship

Mothers in this relationship type consistently criticize or impose unrealistic expectations on their daughters. Whether it’s about appearance, behaviour, or achievements, this constant judgment erodes self-esteem, making the daughter feel she’s never good enough, regardless of her efforts.

5. The Friend Instead of the Parent Relationship

When a mother prioritizes being her daughter’s friend rather than a parental figure, the relationship can lack structure and guidance. While it may seem positive initially, the absence of boundaries and authority often leaves the daughter without the emotional stability or support she needs to navigate life.

6. The Resentful Relationship

In a resentful relationship, unresolved issues, such as past regrets or life hardships, lead the mother to project her frustrations onto her daughter. This dynamic can create a toxic environment where the daughter feels unfairly blamed for things beyond her control.

7. The Favoritism-Fueled Relationship

Openly favouring one child over the daughter can severely damage the mother-daughter bond. This type of relationship breeds feelings of inadequacy and rejection in the daughter, often leading to long-term self-esteem issues and strained sibling relationships.

8. The Role-Reversed Relationship

In this dynamic, the daughter takes on the responsibilities of emotional or physical caretaking for her mother. This premature role reversal puts undue pressure on the daughter, leading to burnout, emotional exhaustion, and difficulty focusing on her own needs or life goals.

Effects of Damaged Mother-Daughter Relationship

A strained or damaged mother-daughter relationship can have far-reaching consequences on emotional, social, and mental well-being. Here are some significant impacts of a damaged mother-daughter bond.

1. Low Self-Esteem

Daughters who face constant criticism, neglect, or unrealistic expectations often struggle with self-worth. They may internalise negative feedback, believing they are inadequate or unlovable. This lack of confidence can hinder personal growth, limit career opportunities, and create a pattern of seeking validation from others rather than recognising their intrinsic value.

2. Difficulty Forming Relationships

A damaged mother-daughter bond can lead to trust issues and fear of rejection, making it difficult for the daughter to build healthy, secure relationships. She might struggle to communicate her needs, set boundaries, or trust others completely, often resulting in a cycle of unfulfilling or toxic relationships.

3. Emotional Instability

The absence of emotional support or exposure to frequent conflicts can leave daughters feeling emotionally vulnerable. This instability may manifest as mood swings, anxiety, depression, or difficulty managing stress. Over time, it can affect their overall mental health and ability to cope with life’s challenges.

4. Perpetuation of Unhealthy Patterns

When unresolved issues from a damaged relationship are left unaddressed, daughters may unconsciously replicate similar dynamics with their own children or in other relationships. For instance, they may adopt controlling, neglectful, or overly dependent behaviours, perpetuating the same unhealthy patterns they experienced growing up.

How to Build and Maintain a Strong Bond with Your Daughter

Here are some ways to help you improve your bond with your daughter:

1. When She Is a Little Girl

It is important to forge a strong connection from the very start, i.e., soon after the birth of your daughter and develop a cute mother and daughter bond. Some things to keep in mind are as follows:

• Breastfeed Your Daughter

By breastfeeding your little angel, you can develop a strong bond with her. The release of oxytocin hormone (the love hormone) during breastfeeding makes the mother fall in love with her baby even more, and this only helps in improving the bond between mother and daughter. Breastfeed your daughter in the first six months of her life. You can also enlist the help of a trained nurse to assist you with the task. Also, hold and cuddle your baby as much as possible to make her feel loved, comfortable, and safe. If you are unable to breastfeed your baby for some reason, try to maintain skin contact with her. Skin-to-skin contact between the mother and her child also strengthens the bond between the two.

• Set a Routine

Spend some time with your daughter daily. Plan special weekend trips or getaways with your daughter. This will strengthen your bond. You can play dress up with your daughter, comb her hair, or brush her tooth while she is young – all these activities will bring you two closer. If your daughter tries to imitate you, let her know. Take it as an opportunity to model good behaviour. Also, encourage her to love her imperfections and try to find good in the negative things.

• Express Your Affection Openly

Express your affection to her openly. If your daughter does something good, let her know that you are proud of her. This shows how much you love her. Nurture your bond with your daughter by sharing hugs, cuddles, and kisses. For example, you can incorporate extensive cuddle time during bedtime. These physical acts of love may teach your daughter to freely demonstrate and accept affection.

• Share Your Experiences

The greatest gift you can give your daughter while she is young is your time. Take out time from your schedule to focus and spend some time with her to let her know that you value her as an individual. Make her feel special by sharing your joys and sorrows with her. Also, involve her in household chores from an early age to develop a sense of responsibility in her.

2. When She is a Teenager/Adult

When a girl is in her teenage years, it can be a difficult time for her. A daughter needs her mother the most in her teenage years and also when she gets married. Here is what you will need to remember when your daughter becomes a teenager:

• Be There for Her

Adolescence can be a difficult phase for your girl because, at that time, she will try to find her identity and will struggle to cope up with the various physical and emotional changes she will go through. Make sure you provide her necessary guidance and support, and hear her out. Do offer her advice, but don’t command her as she might become rebellious. Just listen to her concerns and try to channelise her stress or anger positively.

• Respect Her Feelings

Honour your daughter’s boundaries. As much as you may prefer to be with her, if she desires some ‘alone time’, give that to her. On some days, you might make mistakes too. Be a bigger person and own up to your mistakes. Simply apologise and make amends. Respect her individuality and allow her to explore her inner worth and interests without inhibition.

• Talk to Her Freely

Talk to your daughter about various worldly issues. You can share your pearls of wisdom while going shopping with her or while cooking meals. As a teenager, she may feel insecure about her body. Help her accept and be proud of her body. Talk to her about relationships and character traits like faith, integrity, perseverance, and courage. Let her know that these are the values she will need the most in her life. Empower and equip her with all your wisdom and life experiences.

• Keep Realistic Expectations

As parents, it is normal to have certain expectations from children. But it is important to be reasonable. Remember your daughter is a separate individual who may have her dreams and aspirations. Give her space to grow and blossom by giving ample support and love.

FAQs

1. How does a mother-daughter bond evolve over different life stages?

The mother-daughter bond often transforms as both age. In childhood, the relationship is nurturing and protective. During adolescence, it may experience strain due to independence-seeking. In adulthood, it often shifts to mutual respect and friendship, depending on how conflicts were resolved earlier.

2. Can a damaged mother-daughter relationship be repaired later in life?

Yes, with effort and willingness from both sides, a strained bond can be repaired. Therapy, open communication, and mutual understanding are critical tools for rebuilding trust and creating a healthier relationship dynamic.

3. Does culture influence the mother-daughter relationship?

Cultural expectations play a significant role in shaping this bond. In some cultures, daughters may feel a strong sense of duty toward their mothers, while in others, the emphasis may be on fostering independence. These cultural norms can impact how closeness, communication, and boundaries are maintained.

It is a mother who educates her daughters about different things. It is a mother who teaches her daughter how to handle and carry herself in this world and how to deal with different sets of people and sail through various walks of life. A mother is the first friend of her daughter, who guides her throughout lives. If you have a daughter, make sure you be there for her always and support her in all walks of life.

References/Resources:

1. Yamagata. B, Murayama. K, Black. J, Hancock. R, Mimura. M, et al.; Female-Specific Intergenerational Transmission Patterns of the Human Corticolimbic Circuitry; The Journal of Neuroscience; https://www.jneurosci.org/content/36/4/1254; January 2016

Also Read:

Mother Daughter Poems
How to Be Your Daughter’s Best Friend
Beautiful Mother-Daughter Relationship Quotes
How to Solve Mother-Daughter Relationship Conflict

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