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According to Dada Bhagwan, a spiritual scientist of Akram Vignan, “The responsibility of a parent is more than that of a Prime Minister.” This is because parenting is all about making your child grow physically, psychologically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. It involves bonding with your child to nurture in a way such that the little one becomes a happy, healthy, and obliging human being.
This is the bonding of true love! Pure love and stability are its roots, due to which the child blossoms spontaneously. This is perhaps the best parenting advice on being a good parent or how to parent effectively.
The two most apparent indicators of best parenting are as follows:
- The child never feels like leaving the parents and going out in search of happiness, and
- The child is overjoyed to see the parents no matter after how long they are greeting.
Have we been consistently observing any one of these behaviors? Most of us would say, “No!” Well, this is not the actual problem; it is a symptom of the problem. The real problem is that we do not know the root cause or are doing nothing to eradicate the root cause.
So, what is the root cause? Well, it is the lack of a clear understanding of true love versus attachment. It is said that the love of parents towards the child is always there. However, what we do not realize is the difference between true love and attachment.
Let us find this out by knowing the characteristics of true love, which are as follows:
- Pure love is unwavering and unchanging. The flow of this love is constant; it does not get elevated when the child does something good, and it does not demote when the same child does something bad. Instead, you deal with empathy and care with your child in all circumstances. This equilibrium inherently gives your children happiness.
- Pure love or real love has no feeling of separation; there is no ‘yours and mine.’
- Pure love does not expect to fulfill all expectations.
- Pure love does not keep a permanent note of a fault of a child; instead, it makes an ideal way to bring the child out of the committed fault forever.
According to Saint Kabir, “It is enough for one to understand the word love; that which increases one moment and decreases the next is not love. That which resides in the heart and always remains as it is that is real love.” Children are drawn to this love. Indeed, the world improves with this love. Without love, there can be no solutions.
Here are some ways to shower pure love on your child:
- Perform Caring Gestures: For growing a plant, you need to nurture it with love. Merely pouring water over it is inadequate. When you water it with love and talk to the sapling, the plant gives big, lovely flowers. Similarly, when you speak with your child with utmost care and love, it conveys the most sought message, “My parents are there for me and are always with me.” This makes the child feel happy and secure.Patting on your child’s shoulder, stroking the child’s hair, and running your hand gently over the little one’s head are the gestures that relish the child. These gestures are especially more essential to show when you come to know that your child has done something wrong. Yelling, punishing, and acting rude are just overreactions!
- Become a Role Model: A child learns from parents. If parents are quarreling, the child learns how to fight just by observing the quarrel. Whatever is seen, the child learns to do it automatically. So, when you listen to your parents, when you never argue with or disobey your parents, and when you love and respect your parents, your child will automatically listen to you, obey you, and love and respect you. If either parent makes a mistake, the other parent should forgive. The child will witness this and learn the virtue of forgiveness. This is how you can be a role model in teaching good values.
- Trust Your Child: Trust is an integral part of love, and it gives immense strength to your parent-child relationship. Those who have more negative worldly experiences tend to have more suspicions, even for their children. These suspicions neither allow them nor their children to be happy. There is no benefit from such groundless mental anguish. Therefore, do not harbor suspicions. Whenever doubts arise, eradicate them immediately by keeping only one affirmation, “I trust my child.” If your trust gets broken, show the above loving gestures and explain to your child why what they have done was not worth doing. Do so with the inner affirmation, “I still trust my child. My beloved one will come out of this bad habit of breaking trust.”
- Mold with Equanimity: Love does not mean fulfilling your child’s demands all the time or overlooking their wrongdoings. You need to pay attention to all aspects of your child’s development. If your child is doing something wrong, you must undoubtedly caution them, but with stability. Sit with the little one and tell gently that civilized and respectable people do not do such things. Talk with love so that things do not get ruined. With love, you will be able to say in such a manner that your child will not feel bad. In other words, do not keep insistence, opposing opinions, or unrealistic expectations, which are all forms of ego. Instead, keep patience, positive ideas, and complete trust before, during, and after explanation. It may be so that your child may not understand or obey you when you explain for the first time. In that case, change the style of your explanation by including examples and ill-effects such that the child, without any fear, feels like not doing so. The same approach holds when your child is asking for something inappropriate at an early age. Many times, parents face helpless situations. They say, “Even when we explain more than once with love, my child still does not understand. What do we do when he does not understand our love?” If your speech does not produce any results, you should stop talking to him on that matter for now. Rather than you losing your peace of mind, start praying effectively! Take good care and keep an eye on your child. Whenever there is hatred, slowly change it to love. It is because of hate that this world appears callous.
- Be Friendly: Interact with your child as a friend. When you speak in a friendly manner, the child understands, “I can share everything here (with my parents).” Do not micromanage your child, meaning do not keep nagging or interrupting in everything the little one does. Just parent the little one as you would handle a friend who is younger than you.
- Become Spiritual: No, this does not mean to become an ascetic, meditate for hours, seek a crystal healer, or approach an astrologer. It means to seek all-embracing guidance that can come only from an experienced spiritual master. Find out from such a master how to resolve problems with children such that both parents and children live in harmony forever despite having different viewpoints. This is possible! There should be scientific understanding behind all your dealings, which will come only from all-embracing spiritual guidance.
Our love should be such that it never goes away, no matter what happens. Only such love is valuable. At times, you may not see the results immediately, but try remaining equanimous in every situation and keep showering your love on your child; you will surely be rewarded with its fruits. When your child feels your love, you will leave a deep-rooted impression on the small one who will surely listen to you and accept your values.
When you handle your child with love, their arguments decrease. Teaching with love means teaching without a trace of ego. There is no anger, pride, attachment, and greed in love.
Attachment is not love! Unlike love, it triggers a lot of worries, induces suffering, and gives rise to hate. These negative results veil your constructive energy for nurturing your child. You can do much more for your loved one when you do not have worries.
Attachment is the result of ego. So, ego and pure love cannot co-exist. You do not have to leave your child or forsake your relationship; you only have to let go of the ego.
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