I was trying my best to hold back the fear of losing you with a gentle smile on my face covering the chaos inside, but I knew I couldn’t hide it from you. You knew about the wave of my thoughts, every tiny drop of my tears. Those days were amazing; we couldn’t term it as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ days, we were so confused! But we were determined to accept whatever the future was.
On that very day, I left home with no hope. I had never been so negative in my life. No, I had a reason. I didn’t want to live in a hallucination. Your father was holding my hands with love. I could see the calmness of his heart. As always he was with me to give me strength, to face reality. The dreams that I used to have kept coming to my mind…two little hands, cute eyes, chubby cheeks. Waiting for my turn at the radiology department had never so difficult. I could hear your voice inside me. But my own voice was lost in the fear of losing you. I couldn’t think of a life without you. I closed my eyes and rested on your father’s shoulder. But how could I shut my mind? I was weak and thirsty.
“Shall I tell you something?” The doctor was performing the scan when she looked at me. “It’s growing and quite well”. She smiled.
I couldn’t stop my tears! I was so ashamed of myself but so proud of you. I felt horrible for being so negative but was shocked with your positivity and willpower to fight against all the odds and stand strong. How positive you are! Your positivity kept me alive during those days.
That was the first day that I stood up and made a promise to never look back.
They termed you the ’embryo’, but for me, you were the ‘universe’.
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