12th January 2018 was the date when I delivered a baby boy. Yes everyone was happy and my watsapp was filled with congratulations messages. Sweets were distributed and moms were busy on calls telling every distant relative about the arrival of the baby. Families were rejoicing. Husband was looking overwhelmed as he cried when held the baby for the first time.
And me? I was numb. Physically as well as mentally.
Anaesthesia weared off after some time but mental numbness didnot go away.
I was blank. Doctor said “Aishwarya you will forget every pain when you will see your baby’s face”. But it didnot happen.
It did not happen for almost 3 months after my delivery. I faced almost all the challenges that any new mom can face, I struggled and cried and learned new tricks.
My day and night were spent thinking “What have I done to myself”.
Yes I know a baby was born out of my womb, but a mom was yet to be born. And I was afraid as it was taking so long for me. I always wondered what actually is motherhood and why everybody calls motherhood a bliss. There was only pain and adjustments I could see.
Then one day, after 3months of my delivery, when I opened up my eyes in the morning, he looked at me and smiled. And it clicked. Instantly !
As if I was given some shots that the motherly love started running through my veins.
He kept on smiling at me until I smiled back and then he moved his eyes away. As if he was just waiting for my acknowledgement. He was busy in playing and exploring. But the smile and look that we exchanged, the charm with which he has made me spellbound, the innocence of his face and the glitter in his eyes made me a new person that day. My outlook was changed completely by the time I stepped out of the bed. I was looking at this little human being trying to roll on the bed, putting the corners of the pillow cover in his mouth, he was looking happy in his own world.
That day, I was changed.
That day, I cheated my husband as I fell in love with a boy who was not him.
That day, I felt a new form of love.
That day, a MOM was finally born.
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