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One of the hardest tasks to achieve is to have a good and consistent parenting style. There are instances of bad parenting that can have lasting consequences for your child. Most parents use their own upbringing as a blueprint for parenting and this is not recommended due to the evolution of society. It is proven that certain practices of parenting are more harmful than they are beneficial to your child.
What is Bad Parenting?
Bad parenting is a series of actions that can seriously harm the child’s demeanour and psychology. Bad parenting isn’t restricted to a single act; it is a collection of these acts that are usually what contributes to a harmful effect on the child. Most poor parenting is not intentional but this does not reduce the negative impact on the child. Some parents are not aware of the consequences of these actions and some might not even care. Bad parenting might stem from not knowing enough to be a better parent or from a general lack of apathy to learning the right way.
Bad parenting can have many adverse effects on your child. With our lifestyles being as fast-paced as they are today, it might seem easy to just tell your child what to do. However, you must remember that your child is an individual who requires care and nurturing from you. Make the time to join parenting groups and forums and bring up any issues you might be facing. Have an honest conversation with other parents and listen to any advice they might have. If there are any signs of the effects of poor parenting in your child, it might be best to consult a child psychologist.
Signs Of Bad Parenting
There are several actions and incidences that could make you a bad parent. Here are a few examples of bad parenting that you must avoid at all costs:
1. Reprimanding the Child Excessively
If your child does something wrong and you reprimand or scold him excessively for the mistake, it can have a negative influence on your child. This practice can have a worse effect if your child has displayed honesty and has confessed to making a mistake.
2. Disciplining the Child in Front of Everyone
You might lose your patience and scold, yell, or even hit your child in front of others. This will have a serious impact on your child’s confidence and the feeling of shame arising from this method of discipline will be hard to shake off.
3. All advice, No Encouragement
You dispense advice about everything from brushing teeth to picking the right clothes rather than encouraging your child with support.
4. Withholding Affection
You do not give your child hugs or say ‘I love you’ to your child often. This will make your child feel emotionally disconnected from you.
5. No Rules
Children need structure and boundaries in order to grow up to be healthy individuals. If the child does not grow with discipline, then he will suffer in situations outside the home environment.
6. Lack of Support
Children need support especially during stressful times like a performance at school or examinations. You could be more concerned about your work and this might leave your child feeling anxious.
You constantly tell your child that he should be like other children and emulate their positive traits. This is a sign of bad parenting.
8. Not Proud of His Achievements
You never praise your child for his achievements and do not show pride in his hard work.
9. Criticizing Tone
Using a tone that shows disapproval of all your child’s actions will leave a negative mark on your child.
10. Not Respecting His Feelings
You do not take the time to have a conversation with your child and understand his feelings. His opinions and feelings are disregarded and not addressed in a healthy manner.
11. Being a Poor Example
Your child will pick up on all your habits and behaviors. You might want to think about why and where your child has picked up a particular behaviour from.
12. No Choice
You do not give your child a choice and instead expect him to do something because you have told him to do so.
13. Too Much Pampering
You might think that your child is the most special child but for the rest of the world he just another child. Making him feel like he is entitled to things will make him unpopular and disliked.
You protect your child from every imaginable danger out there. This will make your child fearful and will be afraid of taking any type of risk from making new friends to trying new activities.
15. Lack of Trust
You do not allow your child to make decisions because you are sure that they will be the wrong choices or you do not believe him when he says something.
16. Not Giving Your Time
You are always too busy to talk or play with your child or just have no interest to do these things. Being glued to your phone screen while your child is talking to you can make them feel neglected.
Impact Of Bad Parenting On Children
Bad parenting can have a lasting adverse impact on your child in terms of behaviour and psychology. Here are a few effects of bad parenting:
1. Antisocial Behaviours
When your child does not consider how his actions might affect others, it is known as antisocial behaviour. A severe form of this can lead to substance abuse, mental health problems, crime, and poor health. Bad parenting actions like parental drug abuse, domestic violence, and maternal depression usually contribute to this condition. It is also observed in children whose parents displayed critical, negative, and coercive behaviour.
2. Poor Resilience
Children learn how to cope with emotional, mental, and physical trauma from seeing how their parents deal with any hardships themselves. In this case, bad parenting comes in the form of not shielding the child from a crisis or not being able to handle the negative emotions.
Many studies have shown that parents who have a negative approach will have children with a higher susceptibility to depression. Bad parenting actions that lead to depression include low levels of emotional and physical support, physical punishment, and an unhealthy expression of negative emotions.
Many studies have shown that kindergarteners who have explosive anger issues usually have a poor relationship with their mothers. Negative parenting techniques like rough handling and expressing negative emotions towards the child during infancy will cause the child to have high levels of anger.
5. Lack of Empathy
If the child is treated with indifference at home, then chances are high that she will behave the same with others outside.
6. Difficulty with Relationships
Parents who do not help the child express their emotions in a healthy manner will find that their children are unable to maintain friendships. Bad parenting also could cause the child to question trust and develop low self-confidence.
How To Be A Good Parent?
One of the biggest steps you can take is admitting that you have a few bad parenting techniques. You can always learn new ways to overcome these shortcomings. Here are a few tips to be a good parent:
1. Hands-on Parenting
Get involved with your child’s life and take it upon yourself to teach your child some of life’s most important lessons. Focus your energy on building an emotional rapport with your child.
2. Do Not Shout at Your Child
Instead of shouting or scolding your child, try to calmly reason with him. Give him a time-out if he is being difficult and then sit down and listen to why he was upset in the first place. If it has to do with school, then calmly ask your child to explain the difficulties he is facing. Explain to your child why his actions are wrong and the larger consequences of those actions.
3. Give Reasons
If you want your child to do something, then explain to him the reasons behind your request. Encourage him to ask you questions and explain your rationale. If you want him to finish his school work before he goes out to play, then explain the reasons behind it. A great way to explain it would be to remind him that the second he fishes with his schoolwork, he is completely free to go out and play and only come home once it’s his dinner time.
4. Set Rules
Structure is important for your child’s development. However, whatever new rules you do put in place, do make sure to discuss the same with your child. In case you want your child to take up a chore around the house, then have a discussion with him about which chore he would like to do and to what degree you want that chore to be done. Ask your child to set up a schedule for this new chore. Sticking to this new schedule will boost his self-esteem.
5. Give Your Child Choices
Talk to your child about the different options he might have. It can be something small like deciding if he wants to go to the park with you the next day. Allowing your child to make choices will boost his confidence in making decisions.
One of the most important aspects of parenting is listening to your child. Even if what your child says seems mundane to you, you must listen as it might be something important to your child. In fact, encourage him to talk to you about his day and respond to his story.
7. Be a Good Example
Children are known to pick up habits and actions from the people around them. As a parent, your child will be looking up to you for guidance on almost everything, particularly in the younger years. Practice healthy habits and your child is bound to pick them up himself.
Bad parenting is not just harmful to your child at the moment, but will definitely have a lasting negative impact on your child for years to come that could stay on in even as an adult. Remember that parenting is not just about imparting wisdom to your child, it’s about allowing them to grow and find their own lifestyles, this includes raising them to be responsible for their actions and accepting responsibility for the decisions they make and the actions they take. How you decide to impart the knowledge and teach them about responsibility can be the key element to raising your child, this should not be forced onto them in any manner. Talk to child psychologists to learn how to communicate with your child. It is recommended that as a parent both your partner and you attend parenting seminars, talk to counselors and work out a manner in which to develop and navigate through your parenting philosophy.
Coming up with a parenting philosophy can be a challenge due to the numerous hurdles in both faith and conscience that you will face. Remember that the past generations of parenting are not just to be followed blindly but to be used as a platform to evolve from. In the past hitting your child was acceptable, but research shows physical intimidation does more harm than good when it comes to raising your child. Establishing mutual respect and a line of open communication is important, so is allowing your child to make mistakes and encouraging them to recover from their failures. A point every parent must remember is not to overwhelm the child with restrictions. Letting your child grow while having fun and being social has numerous benefits to their mental health.
Also Read: 10 Best Parenting Books