Your First Child’s Take on Your Second Marriage and the Step-parent

By Devika Bandyopadhya - Updated: May 24, 2019

You are a happy single mother, and there comes a turning point in your life – you decide to re-marry.

Well, to be honest, more than it being a turning point in your life, it is a roller-coaster ride for your little one, more so if they are of the school-going age. There could be plenty of reasons why your first marriage was not successful, and not re-marrying just because you have a child to take care of is surely not a reason strong enough. Looking from a wider point of view, re-marrying will not just get you a life partner, but also get your child a ‘father’ – and you know how important a father is in a child’s life.

When you think of re-marrying in spite of having a child from your first marriage, you don’t just look at having an understanding spouse, but you also expect him to be a great father. But all these are just your thoughts – ever wondered what your child’s perspective would be when you decide to bring two families under one roof after formalising your nuptials?

The foremost factor of concern is acceptance. When there is a new father figure, your child might be reminded of how his biological dad had been. There are both pros and cons to this effect. Your child will need to accept the fact that the mother will not reconcile with their biological father ever again. Sharing is the next concern. The child who was all along happy with one parent would now need to share the time, love and energy with the new parent. Step-siblings could also play a major role in this factor. Caring for the step-siblings might not come in naturally. As a mother, you ought to be careful about the sentiments that your child is likely to feel when you remarry. Thinking that it would all be fine as the child grows up might just worsen the entire scenario.

It would be a good idea to talk to your child before finalising your decision on remarrying. Let your child feel that he is a part of all this process. Let him or her participate in the decision-making. Make him or her feel that there will not be any loss of importance. Make it known to your child that your love for them will never reduce, no matter what. Also, try to enhance the bonding between the step-father and the child. Quite soon, you will agree to the belief that –

Behind a lot of great kids is a step parent who stepped up and stepped in.

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