I Don’t Feel the Connection. I Don’t Love Him. Please Give Me Back My Sleep
It’s good news! The pregnancy test stated I am pregnant. Two red lines turned my world upside down. Happiness, tears, and scary moments were there. Loads of questions and panic-filled moments too. I first made a call to my husband, thank god for technology. I told him to come home; I was expecting.
He was on cloud nine! He wanted to dance, celebrate, and shout to the world that he was going to be a dad.Months passed by, and my pregnancy progressed after a few complications. I delivered a healthy happy child. They say you won’t understand the feeling of being a mother unless you become one. It’s true, I had a c-section. The doctors delivered the baby, they were saying congratulations, you have delivered a healthy child. I was in utter shock, I asked them if it was a boy or a girl. They said it was a boy. I immediately kissed him.Days passed by since the two little feet entered my life. He was everyone’s centre of attention – it moved from me to him. Everyone loved him immediately. For 9 months I was pampered and loved; now someone else was going to be pampered and loved. I was happy.After a few sleepless nights and paining of my stitches, I started to feel disconnected. The love I had felt earlier was not the same. I wanted sleep, I wanted rest and alone time. My time and sleep was now sacrificed for those two feet. I didn’t feel the connection anymore. I didn’t love him anymore.To all new mommies out there – it’s okay to feel this. It’s okay to feel left alone. Trust me when I say, take one day at a time and don’t push yourself much. You will cope with your feelings. It’s easier said than done and I know you will love him soon, one day. Those sleepless nights, backaches, and all the hard work will be rewarded with those two little feet. The reward will be the two sparkling eyes, staring and smiling at you, and cuddling you. They will recognise only you, and it’s your touch that will calm them. You will feel like Wonder Woman with special powers to calm a howling, crying, scared baby, trust me. Enjoy every little moment as they outgrow too fast.One day, you will be staring and thinking, “please stop the watch, please stop time, I’m not ready to let these moments go.” Cherish them; these kids grow up fast and you’ll miss those little feet and little hands, the toothless smiles and their adorable stares.
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