‘Bikini Cut’ and ‘Formula Mom’ : My Child, My Rules

bikini cut and formula mom
I have been married for 5 years and have enjoyed my life post marriage – we were mentally, financially and emotionally stable to welcome a baby into our lives. Angels up there had been listening to my silent wish. I was ecstatic when a month after my 5th wedding anniversary I witnessed those two pink lines on the pregnancy test. What followed was unconditional love and care from both my family and my in-laws; not to mention my husband who never disappointed me even once and proved every second what a great father he was going to be. All was well until the 36th week, when my water (AFI) levels dropped drastically and doctors advised for a C-section as soon as possible. All through my pregnancy, each and every person I had interacted with told me just one thing – “normal delivery ho jaaye, bas.”
Deep down, I was always skeptical about my guts to deliver normally – but I had not anticipated the immediate admission in the hospital. Oh, how I dreaded the people who kept saying, “normal hi karana”… However, I was soon in the operation room and was given my anaesthesia injection in the spine, after which, I presume, they gave me the infamous “bikini cut” from where my baby would come in this world. I was in my senses and could speak and hear throughout. Within a few minutes, the doctor announced it was a girl – I didn’t do a mind dance, I actually danced. That first cry of my tiny 37 weeks Baby gave me joy that couldn’t be described, and the fact that she delivered through the “bikini cut” didn’t matter a bit.
The initial three days went by well – my tiny baby was fed formula milk as she couldn’t latch well and even I had to use a shield; I thought it was okay since my baby was beside me and that was what mattered. But again, the people who used to tell me, “normal hi karna”  were disappointed because I was cut open from the stomach, and not from where they expected me to. And on learning that I couldn’t generate enough milk and my baby’s latching was poor, they freaked out from inside but made a straight face and gave me list of items which would aid in milk production. I religiously followed every single person’s advice for 2 months and went on experimenting with my tiny baby to the extent of even starving her in the process of feeding her only breast milk. I eventually decided that I couldn’t harm my child in any more ways and add to her misery just so that others don’t label me as the ‘bikini cut’ and ‘formula fed’ mom.

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