It was Christmas Eve. We were happy, and everybody was in a festive mood. The whole family was together at home, and we were planning the Christmas dinner. Usually, we go out on holidays. As we were expecting our twins in mid-Feb, we were home and hoping to welcome a new year which will bring our bundles of joy into this world. But we were in for a surprise. It looks like our babies were in no time to wait. It started with midnight cramps which I assumed to be some indigestion problem. But as they got stronger and stronger; we rushed to the hospital. And we were told that they would have to do an emergency caesarean section. I was shocked with pain, and the information was too much for me to process. I was still saying in my heart…” not now. Can’t you guys wait for another month at least? Please be there safe and sound in my tummy. This world is not ready for you yet. ”
But my babies did not want to miss anything. So I was given injection, medicines, anaesthesia and what not. My mind was numb; not due to pain but because I was too scared for my babies. How will they survive this hostile environment?
Then came the moment. I saw my two beautiful baby girls, so innocent, so sweet. My emotions were all over the place. But this was not the end of my ordeal; it was the start. Before I could even hold them, they had to be shifted to NICU, and all kind of tubes and masks were put on them as they were having a little breathing difficulty. To watch them lying there, it broke my heart into a million pieces. I wanted them to fight, and so was I. I was so scared even to cuddle them, they were so tiny and fragile. And then it became a ritual, going to see babies daily twice. To see them sleeping calmly. To check their parameters doing fine. Each day to get up praying for them. Whenever tests were conducted, my heart would stop and wait for results endlessly. The days appeared so much longer. It felt like the time had come to a standstill. They didn’t know how to suck or swallow, but they chewed on antibiotics and saline. They would forget to breathe.. my crazy babies, so they were put on caffeine to keep them little awake.
We were told it’s not easy. You know things can go wrong anytime. The monitors, the machines the blood tests it was too overwhelming. We bought our new year cake and did not know how to celebrate. Should we be celebrating your arrival or was it too early to celebrate yet?
Finally, the moment came when I could hold you in my arms and feed you. That was the first time when I felt relaxed in about a month of making endless hospital trips. My babies fought and we brought them home. But still, there was so much to be taken care of. There would be no doctor or nurses or monitors checking on them 24 hours. It would be just us. So being vigilant was very important. We sat beside them all day and night. We decided to do shifts as hospital staff does and we also kept a record book where we would record every small detail just like nurses did. This continued for about another one month.
Today is the first birthday of my babies, and I am happy and celebrating. When I look back, I find that this is the first time I am celebrating with friends and family in a year. The rollercoaster ride has stabilised a bit. They are playing, and I just look at them feel blessed.
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