No Intimacy in Marriage? 10 Ways to Re-build the Connect With Your Spouse
As the years pass and your marriage tends to get longer, the initial excitement and romance that you felt for each other starts fading away with your daily routine. This article will help you re-kindle the intimacy between you and your partner.
What Is Intimacy in Marriage?
A successful marriage is a blend of both emotional and spiritual bonding between both the partners. A lot of people associate intimacy in marriage with sex, but it can be both physical and mental as well. Intimacy can be of different types. Let’s look at some of them and how you can make intimacy an integral part of your marriage.
1. Emotional Intimacy
If you can connect with your partner in a way that you can share your joys and pains with them, this is called emotional intimacy. You should be able to discuss your innermost feelings with him. When you are walking the path of marriage together, it is bound to be affected with highs and lows.
2. Intellectual Intimacy
If you both are passionate about anything in particular, like songs or books and you connect with each other on this thread, it is called emotional intimacy. This liberates both of you to a different level of togetherness.
3. Physical Intimacy
Although as the name suggests, physical intimacy is not only about sex, it can be anything that involves a physical touch. Hugging or simply holding hands has an immense power to bring two people together. A kiss or cuddle on the couch is another way to express intimacy.
4. Experiential Intimacy
As a couple, you can go out for walks or bicycling or together. Doing any activity together is known as experiential intimacy.
5. Spiritual Intimacy
When you worship together or go to the mass together, this kind of intimacy is known as spiritual intimacy. It gives you a feeling of contentment and is awe-inspiring.
What Happens If There Is No Intimacy in Marriage?
Lack of intimacy in marriage can wreak havoc in your lives. Both of you start feeling detached from the relationship, and the very foundation of marriage gets shaken. The importance of intimacy in marriage is that it makes your marriage happy and long-lasting. A chronic conflict really hurts both the spouses. They tend to drift away from each other.
Most importantly, parents are role models for their children. They learn from their parents. If they come back to a home where they always witness fights and disagreements between the spouses, it will affect their mental and emotional well-being.
How Can Husband Re-build Intimacy in Marriage?
Every husband needs to realise the importance of intimacy in their marriage. Maintaining an emotional intimacy is much easier than re-establishing it when it had totally disappeared from their lives. Nourish and cherish the bond while it is still there. Let us look at some of the ways you can preserve your intimacy with your spouse.
1. Switch Off the Gadgets
Intimacy depends on the depth and quality of interaction that you have with your wife. Give her and your marriage the time that is needed. Texting and e-mailing help you in staying in touch with the outside world but if that is uncontrolled, then it slowly becomes a deadly habit. This can take your precious time away from your wife, and before you realise it, the intimacy from your marriage disappears. Make it a point to spend quality time with your wife every day without getting distracted by cell phones or any other gadget.
2. Spend More Time With Your Wife
As your marriage years advance, the time that you both have for each other gradually decreases. It may be because of work or because of children. Make it a point to spend at least 30 minutes in a day doing an activity where you both can enjoy each other’s company. It can be as simple as doing the dishes or picking up the groceries. You can choose to cuddle up after the kids have slept. For the more healthier you, a walk in the park together can do wonders to your relationship and also keep you healthy.
3. Have a Healthy Relationship
Many people experience a negative relationship in their marriage which leaves a bitterness in their hearts. When you spend a major part of your years in marriage, it is natural to know what things can hurt your spouse. Arguments can turn nasty sometimes, and we tend to say things that hurt our partners. These break the very bond of intimacy that you share with your wife. It is absolutely ok to have arguments and disagreements but belittling your wife will only further the crack in your relationship. A kind and loving partner will always feel his wife valued, loved and supported.
4. Reading Helps in Getting Your Intimacy Back on Track
Yes, you read that right! Reading a good book together does help in bringing back the intimacy you shared earlier. There are good books on marriage that you can read, or you can choose any book that interests you both. Taking up this activity together is itself a step closer to getting intimate with your partner. When you discuss about it with your wife, it helps you get connected to her, opening up communication that is purely non-judgemental.
5. Ask for Help When Needed
In the passing years of marriage, it is natural to get distracted sometimes due to issues that can range from personal to professional. Seek the help of your family therapist to help you both regain trust in each other and move towards a healthy relationship.
How Can Wife Re-build Intimacy in Marriage?
There can be a variety of factors that contribute to a healthy and successful marriage – being intimate is certainly one of them. As life advances, our priorities change, situations change. They can be due to children, your work, hidden worries, habits, anger, health, etc. It is natural to get off track when it comes to your spouse; they get neglected inadvertently. And before you know it, the intimacy between you both suffers. First of all, know that neither of you is to be blamed for this situation. It’s better to start working on your relationship than start a blame game.
1. Talk Openly
You and your husband would have probably spent hours talking before marriage or during the initial years of marriage. If you realise that over a period that has stopped, make an effort to start a conversation with him. Usually, with children, it is natural that you both are left with very little time to talk with each other. But do not let that be a reason to lose your intimacy in your marriage. Spend at least an hour each week to talk with your husband.
2. Talk About Your Fantasies
Fantasies necessarily do not have to be sexual. They can be whimsical, funny, or even quirky desires that you have. The idea is to drop your guard and enjoy the moment with your husband without inhibitions. This will help you get your intimate moments back.
3. Write Love Letters
Wondering what a love letter has to do with intimacy in marriage? Well, it is a powerful communication tool to get that spark back in your life. Use a paper and pen and see the magic this communication channel has on your husband. Surprise your husband with a love letter and see the smile widen on his face.
4. Pray Together
Praying has healing powers. You can choose to pray together with your husband and connect with him on a spiritual note. This can bring you both together and help you bring back your intimacy and help you sustain it in the long run.
5. Read to the kids
In marriage after you have kids, intimacy does take a back seat most of the times. The priorities change, and it becomes difficult to find time for yourself. How about reading a book to your children together? Reading a book to your children together before they go to bed will strengthen the bond between you both. This will create a beautiful memory for your children and will also give you time to spend with each other. The family time spent together will help you bring intimacy back into your lives.
1. Why Is Emotional Intimacy More Important to Women?
Women prefer to feel connected with their husbands and love to get intimate with them at an emotional level. Sex is secondary for them when it comes to intimacy.
2. Can a Marriage Survive Without Intimacy?
Yes. Marriage can survive without intimacy, but it becomes a struggle for both the partners to stay in it and sustain the relationship in the long run.
Intimacy is the bond that makes a marriage stronger and happier. It makes a man a better father and an equally loving husband. For a woman, it helps her transition into a wonderful mother and be a supportive wife.