If someone asks you what the true basis of a happy married life is, you may say love, commitment, honesty and other such things. However, how often do we talk about the importance of communication in a marriage? Just because two people are spending most of their time under one roof, does not mean that they communicate effectively with each other. To sustain a happy marriage and have a strong bond with your spouse, it is essential that there is effective communication between the two. Communication is not just about words; it is about actions or non-verbal communication that holds great significance too. Let us acquaint you with the importance of communication, tips to improve it and various other aspects related to it, in the following post.
Importance of Communication in a Marriage
Why id communication so important to have a long, fulfilling relationship with your better-half? What is the role of communication in marriage? Well, here are some points that emphasise the importance of communication in marriage:
1. No Communication Implies No Interest
If you do not know what is happening in your partner’s life or what issues they may be dealing with, you may not be able to understand or empathise. This would slowly lead to a lack of interest in each other’s lives and thus, strained relationships; therefore, it is important to have effective communication.
2. Better Understanding
Couples who often talk, discuss their lives or communicate with each regularly not only have a better understanding with each other, but it also helps them to have a stronger bond with each other. When you understand your spouse and the situations they may be dealing with, there would be lesser scope for misunderstanding or ambiguity.
3. Better Martial Satisfaction
If you have opened the doors of effective communication with your spouse, you are more likely to experience a happy and peaceful relationship. Better communication means better satisfaction in a relationship in which you discuss everything with each other and thus lesser fights or quarrels.
4. Better Trust, Honesty and Respect
Marriage is a two-way street, you cannot just keep expecting everything without giving. Therefore, if you are honest with your spouse and give and receive positive feedback or share other issues with complete honesty, it helps in building better trust in a relationship.
5. Better Connection
Communication is a way of expressing your feelings and emotions towards your spouse. We understand that it is not important to express in words the love and affection that you have for your spouse. However, being expressive and vocal is one of the best ways of exhibiting your emotions towards your spouse, which would lead to a better connection.
Common Mistakes Couples Make in a Marriage and How to Solve Them
Here are some common mistakes that most of us usually make and how we can solve them effectively:
1. More ‘Me’ in a Marriage
When you get married, the relationship is for both of you. However, sometimes we may forget that, and marriage becomes more about you than about your spouse. For example, on your anniversary every year, you want your husband to make you feel special and take you out to dinner, you would only plan a holiday when you can take leave, you would go only to places you prefer, etc. All this shows that your happiness or consent is more important than your partner’s.
How to Resolve
It is important that you consider your partner’s interests too. This would be possible when you communicate better with each other. Talk to your partner and know what they like or dislike, or what their idea of celebration or other such things is.
2. Shouting at The Spouse
Every relationship has its ups and downs, and these are bound to happen. However, if your spouse makes a mistake no matter how trivial or grave it is, it is not okay to shout or say nasty things to your spouse. It is imperative to understand that everyone makes mistakes, and when you shout or scold your spouse, you say hurtful things. Words uttered in anger often scar the other person’s feelings or emotions and it can be more evident when there is less or zero communication in a marriage.
How to Resolve
Even if you have a valid point to get angry, don’t be. Make sure you subtly put across your point without creating any ill feelings or negativity. Best is, you wait until you let your anger pass away and then talk to your spouse about it. The point is not to show displeasure or disappointment, but it is about not committing the same mistake again.
3.Do Not Compare or Compete
One of the silliest mistakes that married couples can make is comparing or competing with their spouse. This mistake may be more pronounced or evident in people with similar professional backgrounds or jobs. You may gloat about your professional achievements or accomplishments with your spouse or talk about their failures or setbacks negatively. Well, it is acceptable to have a competitive spirit or healthy competition with each other, but at no point should you demean your spouse, and lack of communication in marriage can worsen the situation.
How to Resolve
The first and foremost thing to understand is that even if you are doing separate jobs, you both are a single entity or bonded with love – this means your relationship is supreme than anything else. Be encouraging if your spouse fails and be proud when your spouse excels. There is no room for any kind of comparison or competition between two people who love each other.
Different Ways of Effective Communication to Strengthen Your Marriage
You can have various types of communication with your spouse and strengthen the bond of your marriage. If you wish to know how to communicate in a relationship effectively or how to open communication in a marriage, well, here are some ways you can do that:
1. Informal Communication
You discuss everything that matters or other silly things that happened during the day. You laugh together and have a great time talking about some light-hearted aspects of life. This kind of communication helps in building a stronger bond with your spouse because you share fun and happy moments together.
2. Talk About Challenges
Every marriage has lows and highs, and it is important to discuss and evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage with each other. Such conversations help the relationship to grow and also assist in making any important changes or decisions in life.
3. Life-giving Communication
This is a proactive kind of conversation that is not instigated due to some need or demand, unlike the communications mentioned above. These types of communications emphasise having insightful discusses that includes talking about your fears, desires, dreams, hopes, etc. This includes meaningful conversations that can lead to meaningful relationships. These are very intimate conversations as it gives you glimpses of your spouse’s inner life.
Dos and Don’ts to Improve Your Communication in Marriage
We shall now discuss some marriage communication tips or some dos and don’ts that you need to practice to improve your communication in marriage:
1. Try and Be Specific
Whenever you wish to make a point, make sure you are specific about it. Don’t beat around the bush or talk about random things that are insignificant. Avoid generalising by making statements like “You always say/do this”. This may not solve the purpose; instead, you may end up hurting your spouse.
2. Be Respectful
No matter what kind of conversation you and your spouse are having, it is important to be respectful towards it. By being a good listener, you show that you respect your partner. When you listen, your partner will do the same when you have to say something.
3. Do Not Nag or Taunt
No one likes getting picked on or nagged, and the same holds true for your spouse. You cannot keep making your partner guilty or responsible for his past mistakes whenever you wish to make a point. Your partner wants to feel loved and wanted, and every time you taunt your partner, it not only causes hurt and pain, but it also affects your relationship. Also, never drag in family members or friends when you have arguments.
4.Do Not Jump to Conclusions
Do not assume things or cook up your own stories without having a word with your spouse. You may get angry that your spouse did not pick up your call without even understanding or giving them a chance to explain why it happened. Talk to your spouse about what is bothering you regarding them and know the truth behind their side of the story.
5. Have Regular Conversations
No matter how busy you are or how much work you have to do, make sure you take out some time in a day to have some meaningful conversation with your spouse. If you cannot think of anything to talk, get goofy or silly and share some hearty laughs with each other. It is very important to communicate with your spouse on a regular basis to keep the love flowing in the relationship.
6. No Blame Games
Even if you are mad because your spouse did something wrong, it is not recommended to start playing the blame game. Possibly your spouse may have had self-realisation that a mistake was committed and necessary measures may have been taken to make amends. However, even if there are no realisations, it is always better to put across a point subtly and politely rather than hitting the other person with all the blames.
7. Don’t Rely on Online Chatting
When you are away at work or away from home, chatting through a medium of online chatting is convenient to an extent, but it cannot substitute meaningful one to one conversations or phone conversations. Sometimes online modes of communication can lead to misunderstandings and confusions and may strain happy relationships.
8. Don’t Be Defensive
If your partner needs to bring out some complaints or issues against you, it is important to listen to them intently without being defensive about it. It is equally hard for your partner to bring his or her own flaws in front of you. Make sure you listen and take effective measures to solve the issue rather than getting all defensive about the whole issue.
9. Be Tolerant
We all have different preferences, likes or dislikes, and the same goes for two people who are married to each other. You may like watching cricket but your spouse loves tennis; be appreciative and tolerant of each other’s hobbies, choices and other such aspects instead of complaining about them. Because when you become receptive, your partner will too.
10. Express Positive Feelings
Most of us may talk about our worries, tensions, fears and other such negative feelings more than we talk about positive feelings like love, compassion, humility etc. Make sure you include more positive talks, which would include complimenting each other, showing love and care and other such positive feelings.
Communication in a marriage plays a much more vital role than we can fathom. It is important to open channels to have clear and meaningful communication with your spouse so that there is trust and understanding, which means a better relationship with your spouse.