Shhh! When Not to Share your Preteen’s Secret
Agreed, you’ve never kept a secret from your husband. But now you face a new dilemma – whether to disclose your child’s secret to your spouse or not. Don’t be ridden by guilt. Find out why it’s sometimes ok to keep your child’s secrets from your husband.
It is common for pre-teens to have secrets; they are growing up and fighting adolescence. It is good news if they trust you enough to divulge their secrets to you. However, there could be times when they request you not to divulge their secrets to daddy. Now, it won’t be very easy for you to hide facts about your children from your spouse, especially if you both share a strict no-secret policy. But, at times it’s not really a big deal. So, go ahead and keep that lid shut without guilt.
4 Secrets your Preteen Would Want to Keep From Dad
1. Not-a-big-deal secrets
Gauge the intensity of the situation. Is the secret of minor nature? For instance, is it about a tiff with his or her best friend? Or, has your child scored a lower grade than last time and is too scared to let dad know? In such cases, when your child says ‘Please don’t tell Dad,’ it’s okay, really. Tell them that this time you won’t, but you don’t like keeping secrets from dad. This’ll give your children a fair idea that all facts might not remain hidden from their father.
2. Girly secrets
If your pre-teen daughter is embarrassed about her new physical developments or in case she has got her school uniform stained during her periods, she wouldn’t want you to discuss these things with your hubby. Fair reasons to keep your preteen’s secret from your husband, don’t you think?
3. Fun-stuff secrets
If your kids are planning to host a surprise birthday party for your spouse and want you to keep it a secret till the D-day, then do honour their wish. By not disclosing their plans in advance, you can bring more joy to your family. Also, if as a family, you’re playing a board game that your child wins by bluffing, then keep that secret intact too. These are harmless secrets that fail to make much of a difference if kept from your spouse.
Pre-teens and teenagers could get a little opinionated and judgmental at this stage. If your child gossips about some relative or family friend and expresses dislike towards that particular person but doesn’t want father to know, then its okay for you to keep their opinions to yourself.
It’s very important to gain your pre-teen’s confidence. If you disclose secrets every time, then you risk losing your child’s confidence in you. Also, in future, they may hide some serious facts that they would have otherwise confided in you. However, if the secrets are about any unwanted touching, any kind of abuse, bullying or anything that bothers you too much, then don’t hide it from your husband – no matter how earnestly your child requests you to do the same. These are issues that need parenting from both of you!