How to Raise a Boy – Things to Keep In Mind

Young boys are energetic, loud, active, and prone to roughhousing, and getting them to listen to you all the time can be quite challenging. You may worry about how to raise a boy to be a good man who will turn out to be responsible, affectionate and full of character. This is a rewarding journey that requires patience and guidance. It’s essential to focus on shaping their values, teaching empathy, and setting clear boundaries. With the right balance of discipline and encouragement, you can foster the qualities that will help your son become a kind and respectful individual. Consider these tips for raising your boy effectively.

Dos When You Are Raising a Boy

Here are some key dos to keep in mind to help your son develop into a responsible, kind, and well-rounded individual.

1. Monitor Their Aggression

There’s a growing trend of concern among parents lately about their boys being drawn to violent toys such as guns, swords, weapons or violent video games. What parents perceive as violence when boys pretend to be killing a bad guy is something the child fantasises as saving the world. Pretend-play such as cops and robbers or zombie apocalypse that has fantasy aggression is normal for boys and is even useful in teaching them what is right from wrong. Surprisingly, these games also promote healthy friendships and build self-confidence. However, you need to monitor how much aggression is being expressed in the games. If your child is too rough, other kids may not want to play with him. This is a good time to teach him about empathy and fair play.

2. Let Them Have Their Rough and Tumble Play

Children are physical most of the time; it is a way in which they express their affection. Jumping off furniture, or a hug that seems more like a full-body tackle, or rolling on each other in seemingly aggressive play comes quite naturally to kids. Although it is exhausting to you, it’s normal and healthy for them. The rough and tumble play fosters positive relationships among children, boys included, and builds their physical intelligence. Then, there will inevitably be moments you will have to take them to the emergency room for a stitch or treating bruises from a fall. Although no parent likes to see their child getting hurt, it’s not possible to cushion the whole world around them.

3. Inculcate Polite Behavior

Part of building good behaviour in boys means you channel their energies in more positive ways rather than trying to stifle it. Although trying to discipline your boy’s feisty behaviour can push you to your limits, it’s important to keep calm. Parents must at all times avoid responding with their own aggressive behaviour to their boy’s aggressive play. Severe scolding or spanking might curb their behaviour momentarily, but it is seen that children who are severely punished turn out to be aggressive in the long run. Therefore, adopt an approach where you praise them for their good behaviour and when they are well-mannered and remind them of that whenever they misbehave. Show genuine interest in things they find appealing and ask them questions about them, whether they like collecting toys or bugs in a jar, stimulating deeper thinking to stop them from becoming impulsive.

4. Emphasise Kindness and Empathy

Boys are seen as ‘naturally’ rough, but that is mostly the product of society’s rigid rules around masculinity. Thus, sensitivity can be taught to boys. To encourage their sensitive side to develop, show them the importance of kindness while playing with others by sharing their toys and being gentle with pets. Read them stories of great men in the past who worked for peace and justice in the world. Search for opportunities in your community, such as a volunteer mentoring program where your boys can work with strong role models (both male and female) and learn from them. Explain to them the importance of putting themselves in the shoes of another to understand their pains; it is a start in building empathy in your boys. As the saying goes- Teaching your child not to step on the bug is just as important to the child as it is to the bug.

5. Go Easy on Obsessing Over the Dirt and Noise

When you are parenting kids, there’s no way you can stop them from dirtying or muddying their clothes, shoes, toys or anything for that matter. The only way to achieve peace is to let it go; the dirt washes off eventually, but the memories of fun play is cherished for years. Trying to keep things perfectly clean is nothing short of torture for both you and your boys. Therefore, relax the rules a little and allow them to play in the mud as long as it is safe and healthy to do so. As for noise, you can allow them to play in a designated room upstairs or any other room away from your living room. If their noise levels are still too high, take them to a park or a playground so that they can run around and release all that energy.

6. Promote Team-based Activities

Involve your son in team sports or group activities where cooperation, teamwork, and communication are essential. Whether it’s soccer, music groups, or a school project, these settings help him understand the importance of collaboration, patience, and respecting others’ viewpoints. These are crucial skills for developing healthy social relationships later in life.

7. Support Creative Outlets

Boys may often be steered away from artistic or creative endeavors, but fostering creativity can be a great way to nurture their imagination and emotional growth. Whether it’s drawing, playing an instrument, or writing stories, giving them space to explore these interests boosts confidence and allows for self-expression in non-physical ways.

8. Encourage Responsibility Through Chores

Assigning age-appropriate chores helps boys develop a sense of responsibility and accountability. Simple tasks like cleaning up their toys, helping set the table, or caring for a pet teach them important life skills. It also instills the value of contributing to the household and understanding that everyone plays a part in maintaining a shared environment.

Don’ts When You Are Raising a Boy

When raising boys, there are common pitfalls that can inadvertently shape their behavior in negative ways. Avoiding these missteps can help you nurture a well-rounded, empathetic, and responsible young man. Here are some don’ts to keep in mind.

1. Being an Over-controlling Parent

Boys are heuristic learners; that is, they learn better from their experience. Boys seldom listen to you when you tell them not to swing too high on the monkey bar in the playground. The painful lessons are ones that stick in their minds, and it’s a good idea to let them learn about risks from natural consequences. However, that doesn’t mean you let them charge into something recklessly. The trick is allowing them to experience smaller risks and their consequences that help them understand the varying levels of dangers associated with reckless action.

2. Not Teaching Him Early on About Being Gentle With Everyone

As children, boys can harmlessly play a little rough with their peers, mothers, siblings or friends, however as they get older and reach puberty most boys who are used to roughhousing may not realise that they could hurt someone inadvertently. It becomes absolutely vital then to not engage in roughhousing. They need to be taught from an early age never to be rude to, hurt or disrespect anyone, especially women, starting from their mothers and sisters. This behaviour has to be reinforced by both parents by educating them often about how good men behave. Parents should lead by example and tell boys that they should be gentle because older children, peers, and adults do not enjoy being poked, yelled at, kicked or prodded even playfully.

3. Letting Him Skip Household Chores

Never let your boy skip household chores – it’s critical to engage him in the activity so he can learn to take up responsibility. This is especially important when you’re going over everything crucial on how to raise a boy child as a single mother. Let him take part in everything from grocery shopping to cooking and housekeeping.

4. Telling Him That Real Men Don’t Cry

Encourage emotional expression in boys; it’s always better for them to understand and express their emotions in a healthy way, which also includes crying. Learning how to better be in touch with their emotions is a critical skill they need before they can be kind and empathetic men.

5. Telling Him That Boys Don’t Get Scared

To build the right idea of bravery in your boys, they need to understand that everybody feels fear, and it’s normal to do so. However, being brave means doing the right things despite your fears and overcoming them.

6. Dismissing His Interests as “Too Girly”

Discouraging your son from engaging in activities considered “girly” can limit his creativity and self-expression. Boys should feel free to pursue interests like cooking, dancing, or playing with dolls, just as they would sports or building blocks. Dismissing these interests reinforces harmful gender stereotypes and can stifle their personal growth.

7. Comparing Him to Others

Constantly comparing your son to other boys, siblings, or peers can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. Every child develops at their own pace, and it’s important to celebrate his unique strengths and interests rather than forcing him into unrealistic comparisons that could damage his confidence.

8. Ignoring Positive Reinforcement

Focusing only on correcting bad behavior while neglecting to praise good behavior can leave your son feeling unappreciated. Boys, like all children, thrive on positive reinforcement. Make sure to acknowledge and reward his efforts when he shows kindness, responsibility, or empathy. Celebrating these moments will encourage him to continue displaying positive behaviors and boost his self-esteem.

FAQs

1. Should boys be allowed to play with dolls or engage in traditionally “feminine” activities?

Yes, boys should be free to explore a variety of interests, including those traditionally seen as “feminine.” Playing with dolls or engaging in nurturing activities can foster empathy and care. It’s important to let them explore these roles without reinforcing outdated gender stereotypes, as it encourages well-rounded development.

2. How can I raise my son to reject toxic masculinity without feeling alienated from his peers?

Teaching your son to embrace healthy masculinity while avoiding the pressure of toxic societal norms can be tricky. Start by explaining what toxic masculinity means, showing him examples of positive male role models, and encouraging kindness, empathy, and inclusiveness. Help him build confidence in his individuality so he doesn’t feel pressured to conform to harmful behaviors just to fit in with his peers.

3. How do I address the topic of consent and boundaries with young boys?

Talking about consent and boundaries with boys should start early. Use everyday interactions, such as asking for permission before giving hugs, to explain the importance of respecting personal space. Gradually introduce more complex discussions about consent in friendships and relationships as your son grows, ensuring he understands the significance of mutual respect and clear communication.

4. Is it important to teach boys about mental health from a young age?

Yes, introducing boys to the concept of mental health early on can reduce stigma and encourage emotional well-being. Teach your son that it’s okay to seek help when he feels overwhelmed, and normalize discussions about stress, anxiety, or sadness. By doing so, you equip him with the tools to maintain his mental health throughout his life.

Although it can be tricky to stay one step ahead of your son to do your best as a parent, being patient with him and allowing his natural energies to express itself while you direct it in constructive ways is the best way to go.

References/Resources:

1. Berridge. C, Romich. J; “Raising Him … to Pull His Own Weight”: Boys’ Household Work in Single-Mother Households (Journal of Family Issues); National Library of Medicine; https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3390248/; February 2011

2. 1. How Influential Are We as Parents; Children’s Minnesota; https://www.childrensmn.org/educationmaterials/parents/article/12702/how-influential-are-we-as-parents/

3. Grewal. A; The Impact of Toxic Masculinity On Men’s Mental Health; University of Washington Tacoma; https://digitalcommons.tacoma.uw.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?params=/context/gender_studies/article/1067/&path_info=The_Impact_of_Toxic_Masculinity_On_Men_s_Mental_Health__2_.pdf

4. What is gender-responsive parenting?; UNICEF; https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-development/what-gender-responsive-parenting

5. Gender equality starts at home: Seven tips for raising feminist kids; UN Women; https://www.unwomen.org/en/news/stories/2019/5/compilation-gender-equality-starts-at-home

Also Read:

How to Raise a Happy Child
Tips for Raising a Confident Daughter
Difference Between Raising Boys vs Raising Girls
Gender Neutral Parenting: Effects, Pros & Cons