My Secret Diary – My Lost Love That My Daughter Made Me Live Again
Recently my daughter purchased a diary from a nearby mela. It was a secret diary because it has a password to unlock it. She was writing something on the 1st of January this year. Once done, she showed it to me and I saw that she has written ‘I love you Mama and Papa’. I kissed her and thought, her world starts with us and ends with us. She asked me if I also have a secret diary and some secret written in it. Her question triggered my thoughts. I remembered having a small pocket diary as a kid. I always wrote my new year resolutions in that and used to show it to my bestie. I still remember a few of my resolutions, ‘I will not eat chocolates’, ‘I will not watch TV’, ‘I shall never fight with my friends’, ‘I shall always share my comics and toys’. Like every other child, I had cheat days and my resolution broke with a promise to myself that next year I shall surely adhere to them. Time passed and I entered adulthood. But my habit of maintaining a diary remained the same and never changed.
Every year I bought a new diary and my first day of the year started with my new resolutions – sometimes a 10 items to-do list, sometimes, 20, and sometimes, 1. I started to tick those that I adhered to the whole year. Some more time passed and the world shrunk to technology with smartphones. I was now a working professional but my habit of writing resolutions remained the same. Some colleagues laughed and called it kiddish, some followed me, but I remained hooked to my habit.
One beautiful evening I became a mother, and I got engrossed in the motherhood journey. I forgot everything, I forgot myself. I left my job, became an author, a blogger, but sadly I forgot my habit of writing a diary and making resolutions. And by letting go of this habit, I forgot about my self-introspection. I felt very sad when I looked back on my last 6 years. Where was I? What all did I lose? What all did I gain? Did I improve or was I just lost in the world of duties and responsibilities?
I quickly opened my drawers and cupboards to find a diary and was lucky to get one old but untouched diary. That afternoon I sat to write my secrets and at the end showed it to my daughter who was my budding bestie. She read it out loud…’the most beautiful thing that happened to me is my daughter and every year I shall try to keep the beauty as it is.’
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