Do You Choose Other Work or People Over Your Own Child?

By Neeha Tungekar - Updated: June 20, 2019

When you’re a parent, your life rotates around your kids, their needs, their health, and their proper upbringing. But what happens when you have to share that time with someone else in the home?

Be it a sick family member or an elderly person, when you live with someone other than your husband and kids, there will be a time when you have to purposely neglect your child.

I recently faced such a situation when my mother-in-law had an attack and my husband had me move into her home to stay with her and to take care of her. After marriage, I lived with my husband in UAE, so to shift back to India temporarily with an infant was a huge change for me. You get to realize that differences in opinion can happen regarding the most basic of things.

From a nuclear to joint family, the way you were used to doing things at your own pace and time can’t be applicable.

In a nuclear family, you work according to your kids’ schedule, following their meal timings, naps and playtime till their bedtime. But with a joint family, everything needs to be rescheduled and adjusted according to all the members of the family.

There are lots of times when you are serving food and your kid wants attention because he bumped into something and got hurt. Or you are massaging someone’s legs/head and your kid wants food. These are some scenarios where you have to choose between your kids’ needs and the work you’re doing.

You will also face a situation where your frustration is taken out on your kid or you just need some ‘me time’ so that you can recharge and reboot.

If you have a small kid whose schedule you can change, it would be better for you to readjust him to flow with the schedule of other family members.
Speak to your husband, not just for complaining, but to keep him updated of your kids’ upbringing, your in-laws’ health, etc.
Avoid taking out your frustration on your kids.
Neglect small differences in opinion but defend your stand when they are wrong.

These are a few things I’ve learned after staying with my in-laws.

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