#AskTheExpert My son is five years older and he is getting very aggressive day by day. what to do?

Question

#AskTheExpert  My son is five years older and he is getting very aggressive day by day. what to do?

Accepted Answer

Try your best to remain calm — and then consider these tips when facing toddler aggression:

Keep your cool. Difficult though it may be, strive to not freak out. If your reaction is outsized and dramatic, you can bet she’ll file away “punching” as a surefire strategy to get lots of attention next time.Make it short and sweet. For a toddler who is acting aggressively, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends against spanking, reprimanding harshly or yelling. The best reaction is a minimal one. Just say, “We don’t hit. Hitting hurts people.” Then either redirect your toddler’s attention or swiftly remove her from the scene. At this young age, she probably won’t understand a punishment like a time-out, but you can be sure that a simple, calm response will get much better results than a red-hot one.Repeat the rules. Be prepared to reiterate the hitting rule (or kicking rule or biting rule…) each and every time your child does it (it’ll take a while before the lesson sinks in). Remember that it’s absolutely normal for toddlers to hit, kick and bite, but it’s also necessary for parents to calmly and consistently teach them that it’s not okay.Discourage aggressive play. Watch out for ways that violence can sneak into your child’s play. Once your toddler starts to make her doll hit other dolls, she’s one step away from acting out the deed in real life. Simply intervene when you see your child playing in a violent way, and say, “It’s not nice to make Dora hit Elmo.”Limit exposure to violence. You’re probably well aware that letting children play with violent toys or watch similar shows (now or in the future) can lead them to believe that violence is okay. Try to avoid access to toy weapons, the local news on TV or her older sib’s inappropriate video games. The AAP also recommends that bedrooms be media-free zones without TVs, computers or smartphones, and limiting screen time (to just video chatting until 18 months; and limited doses of high-quality programming between 18 and 24 months; and no more than one hour a day of high-quality programming between ages 2 and 5).Know your toddler’s triggers. Tired, hungry, overstimulated and stressed out — all of these can cause a toddler to react badly. Pay attention to these cues so you can anticipate aggressive behavior. Try to avoid those scenarios, or be ready to hold your child’s hand (literally and emotionally) when those instances come up.