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Ask a QuestionMom of a 7 yr 10 m old boy4 years ago
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How to deal with tantrums of child? How to control out anger?
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A. Hi parent, please know that any behavioir the child is showing is just communicate with you and you need to figure out a way to meet the child and provide a safe space and understand. Do join the group Gentle parenting India on fb.
Yoir child is still small and he's unable to socialize, regulate his emotions, communicate effectively and express himself. But there is one thing science has proved through relentless research time and again - "Connections in the brain multiply through a child's interaction with a parent". This means if you observe him keenly , see what he's interested in and give him a platform to explore, you can join him in play and build his learning ten times more than if you tried to train him for anything. I suggest use the ideas you see from these groups that you may be a member of, get inspired and then apply them to what your child's interests are. Read up on his cognitive development, and understand his needs. Know that all behaviour is communication and spend time, with or without activities connecting with him. Hope this helps.
Be welcoming and acknowledging his feelings. Make sure though you're not saying 'no' all day. Say 'yes' as often as you can, so your nos will be heard. Stay calm and empathetic during your child's tantrums so you can help him co-regulate and anchor him through his distress. Share your calm.
Kids usually land their feelings where it's SAFE, where they know they will be heard. So it's unlikely that he'd lose it with his teachers the way he'd lose it with you. Also, the more he gets to release his feelings, or unload his "emotional backpack" with you, the less he'd need to in school. In any case, if the school is the kind to impose 'grave consequences', then that isn't the school your child should be in.
Authoritarian/traditional methods of discipline don't meet needs, teach kids to manage their impulses or emotions, or guide them to do better. What they instead do is shut children down: rob them of their voice, repress their feelings and subdue their will and spirit. This is only likely to result in MORE pent-up feelings and hence more undesirable behavior and episodes.
It's our responsibility to treat kids the way they DESERVE to be treated. We can't treat our kids badly so they get used to being treated badly.
The way they're treated at home is how they'd treat others and expect to be treated by others. It's how they'd learn to be respectful, stand up for and assert themselves (constructively), become independent thinkers and value-driven human beings instead of mindless followers who obey instructions without question.
However, we can teach our kids to survive in an authoritarian (although not abusive) setting (such as school) by helping them build resilience, which is the ability to bounce back from difficulties that life throws their way. How does one develop resilience? By confronting, processing and sitting through hard feelings until they naturally pass out of our emotional system. And GP methods teach just that!
Setting limits and sticking to them is also a part of gentle parenting. You can and should definitely set a limit and then stick to it. Of course, you acknowledge your lo's feelings and you are doing it already. With time, child will accept it.
It often helps to give a little "alarmbell" before the actual event and sandtimers are excellent tools for e.g. you want Lo to stop playing with water, you place the sandtimer in front of him and say once all the sand has gone down, it will be time to say "bye" to water.
You are doing great 👍
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