#asktheexperts What should we do when kids get angry

Question

Accepted Answer

When kids get angry, it's important to handle the situation calmly and constructively. Here are some steps to help manage and address a child's anger:

### Stay Calm
1. **Remain Composed**: Your calm demeanor can help de-escalate the situation. Avoid reacting with anger or frustration.

### Acknowledge Their Feelings
2. **Validate Emotions**: Let your child know it's okay to feel angry. Acknowledge their feelings by saying something like, "I see you're really upset."

### Teach Emotional Expression
3. **Encourage Communication**: Encourage your child to express their feelings with words. Ask them to explain what made them angry.
4. **Use “I” Statements**: Teach them to use "I feel" statements to express their emotions, such as "I feel angry because..."

### Provide a Safe Space
5. **Create a Calm Area**: Designate a quiet space where your child can go to cool down and relax.

### Teach Coping Strategies
6. **Deep Breathing**: Teach your child deep breathing exercises or counting to ten to help calm down.
7. **Physical Activity**: Encourage physical activities like jumping, running, or squeezing a stress ball to release pent-up energy.

### Set Boundaries and Consequences
8. **Establish Limits**: Make sure your child understands that while it's okay to feel angry, it's not okay to hurt others or break things.
9. **Consistent Consequences**: Apply consistent and fair consequences if their anger leads to unacceptable behavior.

### Problem-Solve Together
10. **Identify Triggers**: Help your child identify what triggers their anger and discuss ways to handle those situations differently in the future.
11. **Collaborative Solutions**: Work together to find solutions or alternatives to the problems causing their anger.

### Model Appropriate Behavior
12. **Lead by Example**: Show your child how you handle your own anger and frustration in a healthy way.

### Seek Professional Help if Needed
13. **Consult a Professional**: If your child's anger is frequent, intense, or difficult to manage, consider seeking advice from a child psychologist or counselor.

### Reinforce Positive Behavior
14. **Praise and Reward**: Acknowledge and praise your child when they handle their anger well.

By implementing these strategies, you can help your child learn to manage their anger constructively and develop better emotional regulation skills.