Tips to Handle Masturbation in Kids

Children and masturbation may not be something that a parent may associate with. Why would children masturbate? Most parents would dismiss it as rubbish. But the fact is that it is true and common among children, too. At what age do kids start masturbating? There is no age when kids begin to do that. It is more of an instinct as they learn about themselves and feel their body parts. We have come a long way from when it was considered taboo to even talk about an issue of this sort.

Masturbation is just an act of self-stimulation of the genitals for pleasure and comfort. Kids generally rub themselves with their hands or an object. It goes beyond kids trying to look at their privates when taking a bath. While masturbating, a child may seem flushed, dazed or preoccupied. It is common when a child is bored, sleepy, under stress or watching television. A child may masturbate many times a day or maybe once or twice a week. As a responsible adult, it’s crucial to handle discussions about kids masturbating with sensitivity and appropriate guidance.

Why Do Kids Masturbate?

Little kids masturbating is a normal behaviour in preschoolers and toddlers. They do indulge in occasional masturbation when they discover more about their bodies. Many do it because it soothes them and makes them feel good. Some will masturbate when they are unhappy, stressed or have something taken away from them. There are no medical reasons behind masturbation, but it is a simple act of pleasure to soothe and comfort oneself.

When Do Boys and Girls Start Masturbating?

The age at which boys and girls begin to masturbate varies widely and is influenced by individual development, cultural factors, and personal experiences. Generally, many individuals start exploring their bodies and discovering masturbation during adolescence, typically between the ages of 11 and 15. However, some may start earlier or later (1). It’s essential to recognise that masturbation is a normal and natural part of human sexuality, serving as a way for individuals to learn about their bodies and experience pleasure. Open and non-judgmental communication about sexuality and self-exploration is crucial for promoting healthy attitudes and behaviours surrounding masturbation.

Masturbation in Young Children

Is masturbating bad for kids? No, it is not; it is common and perfectly normal for children to masturbate as they discover their bodies. The good news is that this behaviour does not indicate anything abnormal or different about your child. These parts were meant to give pleasure, and parents can find ways to get kids to recognise the healthy boundaries of this act.

Kids Aged 3-4 Years

Young children between the age of 2-4 need a sense of how to behave in public. Picking their nose, rubbing their thighs or scratching their itchy privates in public is normal for them. They enjoy any kind of physical pleasure. One can help them understand how touching their privates in public or private, unless necessary, is something that must be avoided. It is good to tell them that if they need to touch their privates, they must do so in the toilet or the bath. If kids seem to persist in indulging in rubbing their privates for pleasure, doctors suggest hugging them, rubbing their hair or offering them a substitute like a treat.

Kids Aged 5-8 Years

Is it normal for a 5-year-old to masturbate? School-going kids are more intelligent and well-informed. They may indulge in self-soothing behaviour if they are lonely in school or being rejected by classmates. Kids of this age group will hide this from parents as they worry about their parents’ reaction (2). Medical professionals, however, believe that parents must speak to their children in the best possible manner. The discussion must not be a narrative or a sermon and certainly not a reprimand. It is best to engage in a dialogue about maintaining boundaries and focus more on realising the importance of their bodies.

How Long Does It Last in Children?

Once a child has discovered masturbation and the effect it has on him, he may rarely stop it completely. He may not engage it so often if any associated issues like anxiety or stress are cleared. By the age of six, some children would have learnt the art of discretion and may masturbate in private. Masturbation eventually becomes a normal response to the surge in hormones and an increase in sexual drive.

Should You Respond Differently to Girls and Boys About Masturbation?

Everyday perceptions of parents of masturbation by boys and girls are pretty standard. Most parents see it as normal and acceptable with boys, but with girls, it is considered to be a scary issue. It stems from a deep cultural bias about how girls are expected to behave in society and not succumb to their sensual pleasures. Psychologists and doctors believe that mothers and fathers must change their perspective on this bias as it is perfectly normal for kids – boys or girls to masturbate. It is just about explaining the delicate issue and when they need to engage in it. Ideally, parents must address the underlying problem if the child indulges in it.

Does Masturbation Cause Any Problems in the Child’s Later Life?

Masturbation does not cause any harm or physical injury to the body. It is abnormal only if done in public places after age 5 or 6. Masturbating does not mean that your child is sexually active, promiscuous or has some psychological issue. It could cause a problem if adults overreact, making it seem dirty and wicked and making kids feel guilty.

Ways to Talk and Manage Masturbation in Kids

As medical experts recommend, it is essential to speak to kids about masturbation, even if they indulge in touching their private parts in public or private. There are ways to initiate the conversation and manage the behaviour (4). Steering the discussion in the right direction will help develop a healthy attitude in the child in the future.

1. Emphasise Privacy

Speak with empathy about your child’s need to masturbate. Encourage him and stress that what he does is normal but would be better in the bathroom or bedroom.

2. Focus on the Child

If your child does not respond positively to your advice, don’t stress. Focus on his needs and keep reminding him that it is normal and must be done privately.

3. Be Proactive

Even if your kid is not masturbating, he may do it at some point. It is good to discuss his private parts and how he needs to exercise caution and discretion when he touches them in public (10).

4. Don’t Stress or Worry

Do not worry unless your child seems to be itching or rubbing his privates harshly. Seek the help of a paediatrician in such an instance. If they are doing it for fun or pleasure, gently take his mind off it by hugging or doing an activity with him and speak about it later (11).

5. Elaborate on the Conversation

It is a great chance to tell kids about their bodies and how they should not let anyone else touch their privates. This will save them from being harassed or being vulnerable. Stress on who is allowed to see their body parts and see them naked. Tell them that only a doctor is allowed to see their private parts in front of Mum or Dad.

6. Build Balanced Self-Esteem in the Child

Recognise the dignity of the act and manage it well. If you see your child in the act, let them continue. Once done, go ahead and have a conversation with them.

7. Manage It When It Becomes Abnormal

If masturbation becomes frequent and intense, then the child may withdraw from all kinds of social interaction (6). If the habit is to comfort himself when bored, soothe when tired, or release anxiety when stressed, then it must be considered normal and similar to any act of self-gratification. But if the child seems to be indulging in self-pleasure to the extent of withdrawing himself from peers, then it could be abnormal. Girls often indulge in rubbing their genitals against an object, which could result in damaging their genitals. If masturbating is done with clean hands, then it will not damage any tissues. If it gets rough, then kids must be taken to the doctor.

8. Avoid Scaring or Reprimanding

Never frighten your child if you see them indulging in the act. Scaring or shouting at them could negatively impact them, and they may be shocked to speak to you about anything. Reprimanding may cause them to withdraw even more and make them indulge in the act furiously (9).

9. Give Good Counsel

Give wise advice and manage the conversation according to your child’s age (5). Offer your child alternatives and dig deep into what happens at school or kindergarten. Chart out advice to help him come out as a brave and confident individual.

10. Give Alternate Strategies to Release Tension

In most cases, children indulge in masturbation to relieve themselves of stress or when they fall asleep. Give them alternative ways to alleviate their anxiety by offering them a body massage or putting on some calming music (7). Children will not only get out of the habit but also become closer to you and reach out to you when they need help.

11. Increase Physical Contact

If you are extra cuddly or initiate physical contact throughout the day, the chances are that your child will wean themselves away from masturbation. Make sure to give your child attention for at least one hour daily.

12. Discuss This With Your Child’s Teachers and Preschool Staff

Make your child’s primary caregivers and staff at school aware of your child’s actions. Get them involved in making them aware of their bodies so that they receive the same information at home and school (8).

When to Seek Help From Your Child’s Healthcare Provider

There may be instances, such as the ones below, when you may need professional help.

• If your child continues to masturbate when people are around them.
• If you suspect that your child is masturbating because he is being asked to by someone else.
• Your child tries to masturbate others or indulges in touching the private parts of others.
• If you see that your child is unhappy or depressed.
• If you cannot accept masturbation by your child for religious reasons.
• None of the approaches that you use seem to prove useful.
• If you have questions or concerns regarding anything else.

FAQs

1. Is it normal for children to masturbate?

Yes, it’s normal for children to explore their bodies, including touching their genitals. It’s a natural part of human development and can start as early as infancy. Children may not understand the sexual nature of their actions but are often exploring their bodies out of curiosity or as a way to self-soothe.

2. How should parents react if they catch their child masturbating?

Parents need to remain calm and avoid shaming or punishing the child (3). Instead, offer gentle guidance about privacy and appropriate public and private behaviour. Emphasise that exploring their bodies is okay but should be done in private spaces, like their bedroom or the bathroom.

3. Should parents talk to their children about masturbation?

Yes, open and age-appropriate communication about sexuality is crucial. Parents can start by teaching children correct anatomical terms for their body parts and explaining boundaries around privacy and personal space. As children grow older, parents can have more detailed discussions about sexuality, including masturbation, emphasising that it’s a normal and healthy part of human sexuality.

4. How can parents create a supportive environment for their child regarding masturbation?

Parents can create a supportive environment by fostering open communication, showing acceptance, and providing accurate information about sexuality. Encourage questions and discussions without judgment, and reassure children that their feelings and behaviours are expected. Establishing trust and a non-judgmental atmosphere allows children to feel comfortable seeking guidance from their parents when needed.

Masturbation is a natural act of pleasing oneself; kids usually engage in it only for pleasure. As parents, it is essential to understand this need and try to work around their needs. It is not something to worry about and must be dealt with care so the child learns to grow out of it.

References/Resources:

1. Masturbation and Young Children; C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital; https://www.mottchildren.org/posts/your-child/masturbation-and-young-children

2. Sexual Behaviour In Children & Young People; KidsHealth; https://www.kidshealth.org.nz/sexual-behaviour-children-young-people

3. Fletcher. R; Children’s Sexual Behaviors: A Parent’s Guide; Prince Edward Island Sexual
Deviance Specialist; https://www.princeedwardisland.ca/sites/default/files/publications/childrens_sexual_behaviours_2015.pdf

4. Understanding and Coping with Sexual Behavior Problems in Children; The National Child Traumatic Stress Network; https://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/resources/understanding_coping_with_sexual_behavior_problems.pdf; April 2009

5. Sexual Development and Behavior in Children; The National Child Traumatic Stress Network; https://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/resources/sexual_development_and_behavior_in_children.pdf; April 2009

6. Masturbation; American Academy of Pediatrics; https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/puberty/Pages/Masturbation.aspx

7. Is my child masturbating too much?; STOP IT NOW!; https://www.stopitnow.org/advice-column-entry/is-my-child-masturbating-too-much

8. Schwartz. R; Intervention for Masturbation in School; The Watson Institute; https://www.thewatsoninstitute.org/watson-life-resources/situation/intervention-for-masturbation-in-school/

9. MASTURBATION AND KIDS–MOVING BEYOND THE SHAME!; Educate Empower Kids; https://educateempowerkids.org/6935-2/

10. Schwartz. R; Prevention Strategies for Contextually Inappropriate Masturbation; The Watson Institute; https://www.thewatsoninstitute.org/special-education-masturbation-prevention/; February 2021

11. Sexual Behaviors in Young Children: What’s Normal, What’s Not?; American Academy of Pediatrics; https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx

Also Read:

Sex Education for Kids
Talking to your Kid About Sex
Sex Education Books for Children