Should You Choose to Be a Tiger Parent?

The birth of a child is also the birth of the parents. From the moment a baby enters your life, they become the centre of your universe. Everything you do is dictated by its potential effects, benefits, or repercussions on your little one, from the food you feed them to how you dress them up, the schools you choose for them, to how you raise them.

The bond you create with your child is special. However, the parenting methods you choose can significantly affect it. Some parents prefer a strict method of upbringing, while others are patient and lenient. This article discusses a form of stringent parenting called “Tiger Parenting” and its effects on kids. Let’s dive into the topic and determine if you’re a tiger parent!

What Is Tiger Parenting and How Does It Work?

The Tiger parenting style is a debatable method of parenting as it uses harsh methods to control children. It is a form of strict and demanding parenting. When parents use fear and authority to make their children comply with their demands, they are referred to as tiger parents. This method is based on Asian values of independence and stresses creating a committed relationship between parents and children (1).

In tiger parenting, parents expect their children to meet their academic needs and often rely on harsh methods to drive them towards their goals. Tiger moms and dads strongly believe that strict measures are needed to make their children tough, confident, successful, and prepared for the future.

How Does Tiger Parenting Differ From Other Parenting Styles?

Tiger parenting is derived from authoritarian parenting but is not quite the same. As with authoritarian parenting, tiger parenting involves following strict rules and regulations and setting high expectations for children, but it also includes some level of positive parenting (2). Therefore, tiger parents also go a long way to protect their children from obstacles and provide them warmth and support. Thus, tiger parenting involves both control and affection (3).

Signs That You Are a Tiger Parent

While you are wondering about your parenting method, a few signs can help you determine whether you are a tiger parent.

Here are some tiger parenting examples (4) (5):

• You do not allow your children to hang out with their friends more or have sleepovers.
• You expect your children to secure the first grade in all their exams; harsh punishments are often included if they fail.
• You care more about your standards than their love for handmade gifts and want them to be the best in everything they do.
• You care more about what they achieve than how they achieve it, and you value your self-esteem more than their capabilities.
• Your child is scared of telling you things for fear that you might rebuke them if you do not like the idea or situation.
• You don’t trust them with most things, so keep reminding and ordering them.
• You rely more on following rules and regulations than keeping your children happy. You always feel that the rules should not be broken at any cost.
• Your children follow a rigid routine of more work and less play; they do not invite their friends over because they fear your authoritative nature.

These are some of the signs of a tiger parent. Let’s examine tiger parenting pros and cons.

Pros of Tiger Parenting

While Tiger parenting might seem strict and slightly harsh on the children, researchers have found potential benefits of tiger parenting. Some tiger parent effects are positive and include:

• Tiger parenting rules tend to encourage self-discipline in children. Following constant rules and orders, children tend to understand the importance of a disciplined life and inculcate self-discipline.
• Although there is a constant fear of punishment, children reveal their true potential and learn to be the best to succeed.
• Tiger parents shape their children to be responsible and thus improve their work ethic.
• Tiger parents aim to shape their children into happy, successful, and well-adjusted adults, making them goal-oriented and focused.
• Their academic performance might improve due to the combined focus of the parent and child.
• Because of their singular focus on success, tunnel-visioned work ethic and perseverance, children of tiger parents become financially independent and self-reliant.

Cons of Tiger Parenting

Though parents always wish the best for their children, tiger parenting has some cons that one must remember. It can adversely affect the children’s upbringing (6). Some of the negative effects are as follows:

• As the parents believe in setting high expectations for their children, the children feel overburdened and pressured.
• Children are always scared of making mistakes, and the tiger’s mother or father can punish them harshly.
• Living in constant fear may give rise to anxiety and depression in such children.
• The fear of perfectionism hinders growth in children.
• In tiger parenting, the children always live under their parents’ constant guidance. It may make them more dependent on others and develop poor coping skills (7).
• Tiger parenting sometimes results in negative cognitive, emotional, and social development (7).
• Tiger parenting rules hinder children’s creativity and growth, as they tell them to strictly follow the rules and regulations.

What Does Research Say About Effects of Tiger Parenting on Children?

Research shows that tiger parenting is not the best parenting style. Parents must adopt supportive parenting when raising kids.

A study conducted on 444 Chinese-American families infers that parenting types are divided into four categories based on eight traits—four positive and four negative (6). While positive traits refer to love, warmth, etc., negative traits relate to fear and pressure required to motivate them. The tiger parenting method scored high on all eight traits, while supportive parenting scored high on the positive traits only.

Most parents turned out to be supportive, and that challenged the stereotype that Asian-American parents are majorly tiger parents. While tiger parenting may have pros and cons, it is considered a non-good parenting method for children.

The research concludes that the best way of parenting is not tiger parenting but supportive parenting. It helps children become more social and confident. Children with supportive parents are more likely to get up again after experiencing failure than those raised by tiger parents.

FAQs

1. What is the difference between tiger parenting and elephant parenting?

While tiger parenting is strict and focuses on driving academic success, elephant parents believe nurturing and protecting the child are paramount (8).

2. What are the 4 main parenting styles?

The four main parenting styles are Authoritative, Authoritarian, Permissive, and Neglectful. Each style has its own merits and downfalls. Parents must conduct extensive research before choosing any style, keeping their needs and children’s in mind (9). 

3. What parenting style does tiger parenting fall under?

While derived from the Authoritarian style, tiger parenting differs because it offers a level of warmth and support that is missing in the Western Authoritarian style (10).

Although children’s development is based on their environment, schools, peers, and friends – essentially nurture, parents play a key role in shaping their behaviours and characters in this nurturing system. Parenting methods can be best chosen to ensure they do not hinder children’s growth and development. Therefore, a wise mix of supportive and tiger parenting methods, emphasising warmth and caring towards children, can help raise happy and successful kids.

References/Resources:

1. Kim, S.Y.; What is “tiger” parenting? How does it affect children?; Developmental Psychology American Psychological Association; https://www.apadivisions.org/division-7/publications/newsletters/developmental/2013/07/tiger-parenting; July 2013

2. Kim, S.Y., Wang, Y., Orozco-Lapray, D., Shen, Y., and Murtuza, M.; Does “Tiger Parenting” Exist? Parenting Profiles of Chinese Americans and Adolescent Developmental Outcomes; Asian Am J Psychol; https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3641860/; March 2013

3. Wang, S.; THE “TIGER MOM”: STEREOTYPES OF CHINESE PARENTING IN THE UNITED STATES; NYU Applied Psychology Opus; https://wp.nyu.edu/steinhardt-appsych_opus/the-tiger-mom-stereotypes-of-chinese-parenting-in-the-united-states/

4. Kim, S.Y.; Defining Tiger Parenting in Chinese Americans; Hum Dev; https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4865261/; September 2013

5. Guarnotta, E.; Tiger Parents: Definition & Impact on Mental Health; Choosing Therapy; https://www.choosingtherapy.com/tiger-parents/

6. ‘Tiger parenting’ doesn’t create child prodigies, finds new research; Americal Psychological Association; https://www.apa.org/monitor/2013/09/tiger-parenting

7. Lam, W.Y.; The pros and cons of the tiger parent approach; Carmel Secondary School; https://www.carmelss.edu.hk/buddingwriters/archives/6135

8. Sizenky, V.; Are You an Elephant Mom or a Tiger Mom?; Healthy Women; https://www.healthywomen.org/content/blog-entry/are-you-elephant-mom-or-tiger-mom; December 2014

9. Nelson, C.; The 4 types of parenting styles: What style is right for you; https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/parenting/what-parenting-style-is-right-for-you/; May 2023

10. Kobakhidze, M. N., Ma (马莹), Y., & Tsaloukidis, A.; Tiger Parenting Beyond Cultural Essentialism: Discourses of Class, Culture, and Competition in Hong Kong; ECNU Review of Education; https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/20965311231198252; 2023

Also Read:

Slow Parenting
Gentle Parenting
Controlling Parents
Attachment Parenting
Bad Parenting & its Effects on Children