How to Handle a Difficult Child?

All children make a certain amount of fuss when they are told to get ready, eat their vegetables or sit in one place when they’re out with you. On one end of the spectrum, there are children who comply quite readily and the other end has the difficult ones. Parents of such children are always on the lookout for what might set off the next tantrum or how to get their children to do basic tasks without tearing the whole place apart. Here is all you need to know about identifying and parenting a difficult child.

Who Are ‘Difficult Children’?

The difficult child behavior is seen in children who often fight over routine tasks such as clothes, mealtime or bath time or getting ready to go to bed. It extends beyond that to other activities where parents often worry about taking their child out to social gatherings fearing something might set off a meltdown or have a difficult time in general with dealing with their child.

Usual Behavioral Traits of a Difficult Child

If you think you might be raising a difficult child, there are typical characteristics of a difficult child to look for.

1. Defiance

Difficult children are defiant and refuse to follow simple requests such as waiting for you to finish at the store before you go get ice cream, getting ready to go to bed or to go to school or any other simple request they don’t wish to oblige.

2. Fussiness

An extremely difficult toddler can be a fussy eater and throw away food or demand only for certain foods even when they go hungry for long periods of time. Fussiness also extends to wearing certain clothes or taking a bath.

3. Hurting Other People

This one is a common difficult boy trait where they are often rough and do not play nicely with other children or adults. They may even resort to biting or kicking or pinching when they are annoyed or don’t get what they want.

4. Excessive Anger

This is quite common when they don’t get their way wherever they go. The anger might make them more defiant, or act out by throwing things or trying to harm people.

5. Tantrums

Frequent tantrums almost on a daily basis are also a major behavioral trait of difficult children. A defiant no to be patient at a party can quickly turn into a meltdown that brings all the attention to the child. They also throw tantrums as a last resort to get what they want no matter what.

Factors Contributing to Difficult Behavior in Children

Understanding the factors contributing to difficult behavior in children is crucial for effective parenting and intervention strategies. Various influences, both genetic and environmental, play significant roles in shaping a child’s behavior. This article explores several key factors:

1. Genetic Predisposition

Genetics can strongly influence a child’s temperament and behavior. Children may inherit traits that predispose them to react more intensely or be more sensitive to environmental stimuli, contributing to what is perceived as difficult behavior.

2. Parenting Style and Practices

The way parents interact with their children, set boundaries, and respond to their needs can impact behavior. Inconsistent discipline, lack of clear rules, or overly strict parenting can lead to behavioral challenges in children.

3. Family Dynamics and Environment

The family environment, including relationships between family members, levels of stress, socioeconomic status, and stability of the household, can all contribute to a child’s behavior. Unresolved conflicts or disruptions within the family can manifest in behavioral issues in children.

4. Early Childhood Experiences

Traumatic experiences, neglect, or inconsistent caregiving during early childhood can affect a child’s emotional development and behavior. Children who lack secure attachments or have experienced disruptions in their early years may exhibit challenging behaviors as a way of coping with stress or seeking attention.

5. Social and Peer Influence

As children grow older, interactions with peers, school environment, and social experiences can influence their behavior. Peer pressure, bullying, or social rejection can contribute to emotional distress and behavioral difficulties in children.

10 Ways to Deal With a Difficult Child

If you happen to be the parent of one, here are tips on handling difficult kids:

1. Pick Your Fights

If you’re getting down to a battle with your kid for every bad behavior you will always be at war! Instead have a list of say 10 or 15 of the most serious things that’s a no-no because they are dangerous to others, annoying or uncivil. If things that are absolutely forbidden, like riding their tricycle on the street, set real consequences that you can follow through. Maintain consistency in disciplining as the lack of it can confuse them and fuel rebellion.

2. Take Preventive Measures

This one takes practice but works effectively. Use your knowledge of your child’s temperaments to predict and avoid blowups. If he likes pulling things out of the cupboards while you’re in the kitchen, have them locked so he can’t get in. Know when he is feeling the most energetic or tired and grumpy so you can schedule your trips to the supermarket or the doctor when he is at his best. Take his favorite toys with you or some treats to stave off boredom.

3. Maintain Control

No matter how you’re not up for it or feeling exhausted, do not relinquish control or give in to the bad behavior or tantrums. Giving in would show her your weakness and use tantrums to manipulate you again. Instead, you could tune into her powerlessness to find what you need to gain control.

4. Stay Calm

The calmer you are, the better you can handle the situation. Your tone also needs to be quiet, steady and neutral when you tell your child to stop bad behavior. When persuading them to do something such as wash hands before a meal, a suggestive tone would help more than a commanding one. So instead of saying “Go wash your hands and feet immediately” suggest “why don’t you go wash your hands and feet by the time I set up dinner?”

5. Listen Carefully

Being heard is one of the most important things to children and they often act out for attention. So whenever they express their joy or sadness, listen to it and reciprocate so they know they are being heard. Say he wants to open the cookie box in the supermarket, explain to him why he shouldn’t do that and wait till you have checked out.

6. Empathize With Them

Your child cannot understand the emotional storm going through their minds, but you can. Whenever possible, tune into their feelings and teach them to label it so they can better articulate what’s happening with them. Use lines such as “I know you are frustrated you can’t have those cookies now”, “I know you are feeling too tired for a bath”.

7. Explain More

Instead of reacting to a mischievous behavior, explain to them that snatching the other child’s toy is bad because they wouldn’t like it if it happened to them. The same applies to hitting or biting so they can better understand how their behavior affects others.

8. Offer Them A Choice

Refusing to obey often has to do with rebellion against your control. So instead of coming across as controlling, offer them a choice with a limited set of outcomes. For example, instead of commanding him to return all his toys in the basket or clean the room ask him which task he would take up so you can do the other. Eventually, you can stop helping out and get him to do it all starting with one task at a time.

9. Bestow Rewards

This is a strategy you should use only when they behave well at the time it is most needed. Say you are out at a friend’s place and your boy promises to play nicely with the other children and he keeps it up, treat him with his favorite ice cream or snack as a reward. It also works with simple tasks such as taking meds, a spoon of sugar later will definitely help ease it down!

10. Choose Appropriate Consequences

Consequences are also as important as rewards in shaping difficult behavior. Time-outs work with most kids as they have plenty of time to think about what they did in a dull boring place. If time outs don’t work there are always other favorite activities you can take away such as screen time privileges and dessert.

FAQs

1. How can understanding my child’s sensory sensitivities help in managing their behavior?

Children with sensory processing issues may react strongly to certain stimuli, leading to challenging behaviors. Understanding their sensory preferences and aversions can help tailor environments and activities to minimize triggers and support their comfort.

2. What role does nutrition play in managing difficult behavior in children?

Nutrition can significantly impact behavior and mood in children. Ensuring a balanced diet with adequate nutrients, limiting sugar and processed foods, and identifying any food sensitivities or allergies can help stabilize mood and reduce hyperactivity or irritability.

3. Is it beneficial to involve my child in decision-making processes to improve their behavior?

Involving children in decision-making within age-appropriate limits can empower them and reduce resistance to rules or instructions. Offering choices within boundaries allows them to feel more in control and may decrease instances of oppositional behavior.

Disciplining a difficult child is a skill parents most often don’t possess, it is acquired as they understand their children and what works with them. While initially they are baffled by why some kids are tougher than others they will eventually come to understand the temperaments of their children and formulate a strategy. The key is patience, keen observation skill, and smart methods to manage them.

References/Resources:

1. Strategies and Solutions For Handling A Difficult Child; American Academy of Pediatrics; https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/gradeschool/Pages/Strategies-and-Solutions-For-Handling-A-Difficult-Child.aspx

2. Silva. T, Sandström. P; Parenting Difficult Children and Adolescents (Parenting – Empirical Advances and Intervention Resources); ResearchGate; https://www.researchgate.net/publication/322999618_Parenting_Difficult_Children_and_Adolescents; February 2018

3. Koenig. J, Barry. R, Kochanska. G; Rearing Difficult Children: Parents’ Personality and Children’s Proneness to Anger as Predictors of Future Parenting (Parenting: Science and Practice); National Library of Medicine; https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3018753/; October 2010

4. Ringer. N, Wilder. J, Scheja. M, Gustavsson. A; Managing children with challenging behaviours. Parents’ meaning-making processes in relation to their children’s ADHD diagnosis (International Journal of Disability, Development and Education ); Taylor & Francis Online; https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/1034912X.2019.1596228; April 2019

5. How to discipline your child the smart and healthy way; UNICEF; https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-care/how-discipline-your-child-smart-and-healthy-way

6. Here’s advice from psychologists on how to help kids cope with anger and frustration; American Psychological Association; https://www.apa.org/topics/parenting/managing-preschool-aggression

7. Dealing with child behaviour problems; NHS; https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/babys-development/behaviour/dealing-with-child-behaviour-problems/

Also Read:

Ways to Deal with Stubborn Kid
Dealing With a Highly Emotional Kid
Parenting Tips to Handle a Bossy Child
Tips for Parents to Handle Naughty Children

Our Editorial Policy

Parenting is a huge responsibility, for you as a caregiver, but also for us as a parenting content platform. We understand that and take our responsibility of creating credible content seriously. FirstCry Parenting articles are written and published only after extensive research using factually sound references to deliver quality content that is accurate, validated by experts, and completely reliable. To understand how we go about creating content that is credible, read our editorial policy here.