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When you are expecting, all that people talk about is what to expect after you have your baby. They talk about sleepless nights, breastfeeding struggles, how to achieve a flat tummy, weight loss stories and at times, sagging breasts. But nobody talks about the mental and emotional changes a woman will experience post delivery. No one talks about the mental and emotional well being. It is treated as tantrums, passing phase, or simply ignored as stress. But it is not a passing phase, it can possibly be a life-long issue if not treated in time.
I delivered my son on 31st of December 2015 via Caesarean-section, and in the week following, my problems began. There was a sense of loss, helplessness, rage, hatred towards my newborn and I had thoughts of suicide. Nothing seemed good enough, I was exceptionally tired and hated everything about me and around me. As time crawled, my relationship with my husband and my parents began to deteriorate. I felt that everyone was being snobbish and behaving out of control. In reality, I was the one who was losing control of my mind and thoughts. Anything that I disapproved or felt was done wrong, stuck in my head and played over and over.
It took 1.5 years for me to understand that something wasn’t right with me and that I needed help. It took me a lot of courage to approach a psychiatrist for help. And it was the best decision I made for myself. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. Once my medication began, I was much more calmer and began enjoying motherhood.
I began looking forward to being with my son, playing with him, and holding him. Today close to 3 years being on medication, I feel like my old self. I am able to socialize and lead an active life, and I am making the most of it.
If you feel ever feel out of control or at loss, after having a child, and that feeling lasts for a couple of days or months, then make up your mind and visit a specialist. People with depression are not crazy; people go into depression because of hormonal imbalance, which can be easily corrected with the right medication. Don’t let your motherhood be marred with taboo and lack of knowledge surrounding postpartum depression. Eventually, everything will fall in place.
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