How to Deal With Unsolicited Advice as a New Mom
A new baby brings a lot of happiness to the family. The pregnancy news starts with loads of happiness but it also brings in unexpected anxiety, especially for new moms. The new moms always look up to their family and friends for all the pregnancy or baby-related advice, and a lot of times Google too. But not all the advice shared by family works for you or your baby. This is because every child is different and sometimes the suggestion shared is outdated too. I”ll give a very personal example here. I had serious engorgement issues and the only thing that helped me was pumping with Philips Avent breast pump. My family was so against it because they thought it is not a natural thing to do, but in the end it turned out to be a miracle product for me. Philips Breast pump not only made pumping easy but it also helped me with the engorgement and increasing the milk supply eventually.
Another personal experience, my baby had gas issues when he was 3-4 months old. He used to cry a lot during this time and sometimes threw his hands in pain. My family always suggested to me that my baby was hungry and forced me to feed him even when it wasn’t even an hour since he took his last feed. Now with experience I learnt that babies not only cry when they are hungry but they also cry because of many other reasons. They might be feeling hot, or having a growth spurt or just separation anxiety. And while he had gas issues, feeding him every time he cried due to gas was actually making him worse. If only I was forced to feed him all the time, even when I didn’t want to.
Times have changed. We have many resources for learning more about parenting but of course we still get unsolicited advice and most of the time we are confused about how to deal with such situations. It gets on your nerves when someone tells you that you’re a bad parent or you’re not doing enough. That generally springs up when someone tells you that your baby isn’t eating enough and looks very petite. The doctor says otherwise but some people are obsessed with healthy-looking babies and they make sure that they give every suggestion they have in mind to increase the weight of your baby.
Here are some ways to fine tune all the advice and do what works the best for both of you.
“ Sorry but our doctor does not advise this ” – If someone is trying to give you advice on a medical issue, tell them that you will only consider the advice of the doctor. Most people will not question what the doctors say.
“This is what works for us” – It reminds them that it’s working well for you and the baby and their advice would not make any difference.
“Thank you for sharing your advice.”
“Would you like something to eat” – Deflect the advice, change the topic of discussion.
I would also like to add here that not all advice given is worthless, sometimes it can be helpful to know their story and implement their advice if you feel it is useful. Keeping an open mind really helps. But in the end, the decision is always yours. No one should make you feel that you’re not doing enough for your baby. Motherhood is a beautiful journey. You should enjoy every part of it, reminding yourself that you’re doing the best for your child.
About myself- A new mom finding her way through motherhood, taking one day at a time, mom to a beautiful boy who is helping me become a better person everyday. I share my personal experience on blog and love sharing snippets from my life.
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