hello dr.
My daughter is very talkative,likes socializing and is hyper active. She goes to daycare. she likes going over there. but recently she has started hitting, pushing kids over there. I get complaints. I have told her many times that this behaviour is not good, children get hurt like you do whenever someone hits you,etc ..but she continues to do so. how shall I deal with this? how can I stop her from hitting and pushing other kids.

Question

hello dr.
My daughter is very talkative,likes socializing  and is hyper active. She goes to daycare. she likes going over there. but recently she has started hitting, pushing kids over there. I get complaints. I have told her many times that this behaviour is not good, children get hurt like you do whenever someone hits you,etc ..but she continues to do so. how shall I deal with this? how can I stop her from hitting and pushing other kids.

Accepted Answer

It's understandable to be concerned about your daughter's hitting and pushing behavior, especially since she enjoys socializing and attending daycare. Here are some strategies to help address and reduce this behavior:

### 1. Understand the Cause:
- **Observe Triggers:** Try to identify what triggers the hitting and pushing. It could be frustration, wanting attention, difficulty sharing, or being overwhelmed.
- **Communicate with Daycare Staff:** Work with the daycare providers to understand the context of the incidents and to develop consistent strategies.

### 2. Teach and Model Appropriate Behavior:
- **Role-Playing:** Role-play scenarios with her using dolls or stuffed animals to demonstrate appropriate ways to express frustration or to interact with others.
- **Positive Reinforcement:** Praise and reward her when she interacts gently and kindly with others.
- **Consistent Messaging:** Ensure that all caregivers (parents, daycare staff) use consistent language and strategies to address the behavior.

### 3. Set Clear and Consistent Consequences:
- **Immediate Response:** When the hitting or pushing occurs, respond immediately and consistently. Remove her from the situation briefly and explain why the behavior is unacceptable.
- **Time-Outs:** Use time-outs as a consequence if she continues to hit or push. Ensure the time-out is brief and in a safe place.

### 4. Teach Emotional Regulation:
- **Label Emotions:** Help her recognize and label her emotions (e.g., "I see you are feeling angry/frustrated").
- **Calming Techniques:** Teach her calming techniques such as deep breathing, counting to ten, or using words to express her feelings.

### 5. Encourage Positive Social Skills:
- **Sharing and Turn-Taking:** Practice sharing and turn-taking at home with games and activities.
- **Conflict Resolution:** Teach simple conflict resolution skills, like using words to ask for what she wants or seeking help from an adult.

### 6. Ensure She Has Outlets for Energy:
- **Physical Activity:** Ensure she has plenty of opportunities for physical play and exercise to help manage her energy levels.
- **Structured Activities:** Engage her in structured activities that require following rules and taking turns.

### 7. Maintain Open Communication with Daycare:
- **Regular Updates:** Stay in regular contact with the daycare staff to monitor her progress and to ensure consistency between home and daycare.
- **Behavior Plan:** Work together to develop a behavior management plan that includes strategies both at home and in daycare.

### 8. Be Patient and Consistent:
- **Consistency:** Consistency is key. Repetition and consistency in addressing the behavior will help her learn over time.
- **Patience:** Behavioral changes take time, and it's important to remain patient and supportive.

### When to Seek Professional Help:
If the behavior persists despite your efforts, or if it escalates, consider seeking advice from a child psychologist or behavioral specialist. They can provide additional strategies and support tailored to your daughter's needs.

Implementing these strategies can help address the hitting and pushing behavior while promoting positive social interactions.