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Living with In Laws!

Issues that matter Women & Society
Living with In Laws!
Living with in-laws after marriage is a custom that Indian women have to follow even today! While it may work out well for some women, there are plenty of issues that may arise. Sometimes it is difficult to find privacy & your personal space in a joint family. What do you think? Share your views on it.
10 Comments
pooja singh Mom of a 1 yr 4 m old boy 7 months ago
In reply to D Gehani
See the topic is "living with In Laws". This could be applied to both men and women. but, in our indian tradition it applies only to women. only women have to live and adjust with in laws. men won't. No matter how independent the woman is. she might have her own house, every single thing she might have bought and made by her own. Still, In laws come to her house and they start living with her. permanently. Everything finish.
and From here, worst things start.
Your husband won't be yours now. he will take side of his parents, blindly, during any arguments.
you have to share everything with your in laws. Your time, your energy, your home, your husband and offcourse your own baby.
They will show their full right on everything and everyone. but, they won't consider you as their own. They won't even consider you as a human being.
They will do nothing at home, sit ideally and just want to play with your child and will expect from you to do household chores (yes offcourse, after you come from office).
you don't have any right to raise your baby by your own way. they will try to raise your baby by their way and will always point out mistakes saying this should not be done, that should not be done.
they will do it in a manner that one day your husband will also come to you and will say you are not a good mother at all.
they will interfere in all your deeds and will hide everything from you which is related to their daughters and relatives and everyone around them.
You don't have any privacy.
wherever you go, you have to inform them. but, wherever they will go, they won't feel necessary to inform you.
When you take your baby to your room, they will say about you that she is always sitting in her room and not getting mixed up with them. So, you start sitting with them, and they will only play with your baby and talk with your husband. you just have to sit there, give your baby to them and show everyone your smile. You have to say 'yes' in whatever they say. you don't have to argue on anything. if you do, you are not a 'Sanskari'.

all these and many more adjustments. still your husband would say one day that what are you doing exactly for him and his parents, if you are loving him. you are not always ready to sacrifice.

Many a times you think what is the purpose of living with in laws. they dont love you, they dont respect you. they dont consider u their family, they wont even consider you a good human being. all these things, slowly, over the period of time, your husband would also start to say to you. your relationship with your husband gets ruined. your baby was also always with them. in your own home, you are like outsider. they live like a team who meet often secretely (behind you) and agenda of the meeting is what this girl did and what not. what she was supposed to do (as per them) and what she did not do. they discuss and your husband nods them in agreement and after 2, 3 days or so, he will fight with you with all those points, which he has been taught from them.

now, can please anyone tell me, what is the purpose of living with in-laws. your home is not your home, your hsuband is not your own, your baby is also their's.
you cant live separately from your husband, bcz again so called society will throw arguments on you and will blame you that you couldnt adjusted with them. You also cant live with them together, bcz they will always treat you as an outsider. you have been stuck in a web from where you cannot come outside. can never come. you are stuck there forever.
Hello Dear
Try to avoid them. And if possible just stay far 😊 whatever you will do..only you will be the one to get blamed..tk cr..If you are doing job just change city or country..
3 Likes
Nabeela Hafeez Mom of 2 children 7 months ago
In reply to Firstcry User
See the topic is "living with In Laws". This could be applied to both men and women. but, in our indian tradition it applies only to women. only women have to live and adjust with in laws. men won't. No matter how independent the woman is. she might have her own house, every single thing she might have bought and made by her own. Still, In laws come to her house and they start living with her. permanently. Everything finish.
and From here, worst things start.
Your husband won't be yours now. he will take side of his parents, blindly, during any arguments.
you have to share everything with your in laws. Your time, your energy, your home, your husband and offcourse your own baby.
They will show their full right on everything and everyone. but, they won't consider you as their own. They won't even consider you as a human being.
They will do nothing at home, sit ideally and just want to play with your child and will expect from you to do household chores (yes offcourse, after you come from office).
you don't have any right to raise your baby by your own way. they will try to raise your baby by their way and will always point out mistakes saying this should not be done, that should not be done.
they will do it in a manner that one day your husband will also come to you and will say you are not a good mother at all.
they will interfere in all your deeds and will hide everything from you which is related to their daughters and relatives and everyone around them.
You don't have any privacy.
wherever you go, you have to inform them. but, wherever they will go, they won't feel necessary to inform you.
When you take your baby to your room, they will say about you that she is always sitting in her room and not getting mixed up with them. So, you start sitting with them, and they will only play with your baby and talk with your husband. you just have to sit there, give your baby to them and show everyone your smile. You have to say 'yes' in whatever they say. you don't have to argue on anything. if you do, you are not a 'Sanskari'.

all these and many more adjustments. still your husband would say one day that what are you doing exactly for him and his parents, if you are loving him. you are not always ready to sacrifice.

Many a times you think what is the purpose of living with in laws. they dont love you, they dont respect you. they dont consider u their family, they wont even consider you a good human being. all these things, slowly, over the period of time, your husband would also start to say to you. your relationship with your husband gets ruined. your baby was also always with them. in your own home, you are like outsider. they live like a team who meet often secretely (behind you) and agenda of the meeting is what this girl did and what not. what she was supposed to do (as per them) and what she did not do. they discuss and your husband nods them in agreement and after 2, 3 days or so, he will fight with you with all those points, which he has been taught from them.

now, can please anyone tell me, what is the purpose of living with in-laws. your home is not your home, your hsuband is not your own, your baby is also their's.
you cant live separately from your husband, bcz again so called society will throw arguments on you and will blame you that you couldnt adjusted with them. You also cant live with them together, bcz they will always treat you as an outsider. you have been stuck in a web from where you cannot come outside. can never come. you are stuck there forever.
hello,
I'm really sorry to kno your story.
i kno no advice or consolation can help. and i fear that the situation in your home will affect your mental health.
as my situation has affected mine.
please take care of yourself first.
get help from professional if you think you need to.
2 Likes
Neha Khatwani Mom of a 4 yr 1 m old girl 1 Year ago
Living with in laws by custom or for taking care both are much heard of but what about girl's parents, after a certain age all parents need support even the girl's parents don't grow any younger. I prefer living nearby though not together, but taking care is what matters be it boy's or girl's in laws.
6 Likes
Stuti Lal Expecting Mom due this month 5 months ago
In reply to BELI SARMAH
living with in-laws are not our enimies.They guide us in every aspect of our life.In need ,others are not solving your problems ,it is our family members who have help us.sometimes issue are happened,also solved very quickly.If you accept your family wholeheartedly, definitely they will respect and love u.if ego, selfish nature,proud is there then relation does not works.karma plays its own role.jaisa hum bowenge woise he katenge.
not Everyone are Blessed with understanding inlaws.😔
2 Likes
minni arora Expecting Mom due in 1 month 2 months ago
living with in laws is a big disaster. they are not ready to adjust a little.. all they want is to care about their health and their food. they cant see you to relax any moment. they will start nagging in your life . no personal space left . you cant do anything on your own it has to be approved by them . All they care about is his son should be fine . they dont care if their daughter in law's health is fine or if she need any help or should they ask about health. all they want is that we should inform everything to them about anything happen in our life. they want us to prioritise them and act like who is not knowledgeable and need them.
4 Likes
rashika pandey Mom of 4 children 2 weeks ago
its very difficult to live with the in laws who are ruling nature. they just want everything to b done by there choice.. and some of them r xtremly rude . they will say anything to the daughter in law.as if they r there slave. in laws are only good when they are helpfull loving caring and adjust with the new genration thoughts.
Sheela Bans Mom of a 8 m old girl 5 months ago
every married women (working or house wife's) doing so many things for there in-laws and in-laws house. every person should thenks to her and give them respect ,value and there personal space Aaj ke time me personal space pana sirf joint family me hi single family bhi difficult ho gya hai.or jab se corona shuru hua tb se to house wife's ke liye namumkin ho gya h apne khud ke liye time nikalna unka personal space khatam ho gya hai.
Kalyanik Mom of 2 children 3 weeks ago
our kids are growing, by watching us.. if we are happy with in laws ..surely in future we will get same treatment from them
1 Like
Deepak Yadav Father of 2 children 5 months ago
In reply to Firstcry User
See the topic is "living with In Laws". This could be applied to both men and women. but, in our indian tradition it applies only to women. only women have to live and adjust with in laws. men won't. No matter how independent the woman is. she might have her own house, every single thing she might have bought and made by her own. Still, In laws come to her house and they start living with her. permanently. Everything finish.
and From here, worst things start.
Your husband won't be yours now. he will take side of his parents, blindly, during any arguments.
you have to share everything with your in laws. Your time, your energy, your home, your husband and offcourse your own baby.
They will show their full right on everything and everyone. but, they won't consider you as their own. They won't even consider you as a human being.
They will do nothing at home, sit ideally and just want to play with your child and will expect from you to do household chores (yes offcourse, after you come from office).
you don't have any right to raise your baby by your own way. they will try to raise your baby by their way and will always point out mistakes saying this should not be done, that should not be done.
they will do it in a manner that one day your husband will also come to you and will say you are not a good mother at all.
they will interfere in all your deeds and will hide everything from you which is related to their daughters and relatives and everyone around them.
You don't have any privacy.
wherever you go, you have to inform them. but, wherever they will go, they won't feel necessary to inform you.
When you take your baby to your room, they will say about you that she is always sitting in her room and not getting mixed up with them. So, you start sitting with them, and they will only play with your baby and talk with your husband. you just have to sit there, give your baby to them and show everyone your smile. You have to say 'yes' in whatever they say. you don't have to argue on anything. if you do, you are not a 'Sanskari'.

all these and many more adjustments. still your husband would say one day that what are you doing exactly for him and his parents, if you are loving him. you are not always ready to sacrifice.

Many a times you think what is the purpose of living with in laws. they dont love you, they dont respect you. they dont consider u their family, they wont even consider you a good human being. all these things, slowly, over the period of time, your husband would also start to say to you. your relationship with your husband gets ruined. your baby was also always with them. in your own home, you are like outsider. they live like a team who meet often secretely (behind you) and agenda of the meeting is what this girl did and what not. what she was supposed to do (as per them) and what she did not do. they discuss and your husband nods them in agreement and after 2, 3 days or so, he will fight with you with all those points, which he has been taught from them.

now, can please anyone tell me, what is the purpose of living with in-laws. your home is not your home, your hsuband is not your own, your baby is also their's.
you cant live separately from your husband, bcz again so called society will throw arguments on you and will blame you that you couldnt adjusted with them. You also cant live with them together, bcz they will always treat you as an outsider. you have been stuck in a web from where you cannot come outside. can never come. you are stuck there forever.
very true as you are telling my story
3 Likes
Prachi Pandey Guardian of a 1 yr 10 m old girl 8 months ago
In reply to Neha jha
Yes very true that it is a custom. But why don't they (in- laws) understand that if a girl is entering her in laws house leaving everything everyone behind, she also need little care and pampering because she is the one who will be your support when you are in need.
The fact that they wanted to look strict in front of the society and wants to take command (even though they think of this in different manner for their own daughter, they wanted a good and caring family for her... why don't they become one first)
some things which in-laws used to say:
1. Prepare food according to my style (no matter how much you are aware of it even if you can prepare tasty food)
2. Don't wear this or that... only wear this otherwise society will scold me ( even though society is busy is there own matter)
3. Your parents don't teach you this at home ( how much you teach your daughter ?..... my parents understands me more than you do)
4. you are teaching my son to behave bad with me ( Your son is not a baby in diaper)
5. Touch feet when anyone is coming to our home and cover your silly face ( why all are coming to judge me am I showpiece ?)
6. you should only work at home because you are giving money to your parents ( who are you to say no to my work and judge me on the basis of society's observation)
7. you don't know anything about our culture, you are bad you should work more and stop reply me back. you are shameless your parents didn't scold you for answering back ( Then you also have a daughter teach her politeness as she will also go to in-laws house one time)

In brackets there are words which we think In mind but will never be able to tell in front.

But be positive and try to isolate yourself from this type of people.
you are right sister i am also suffering from this situation and knew it that this types of silly people can't improve themselves only they think about thir own happiness and comfort what's you like what's you think have no any matter
3 Likes
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Living with In Laws!
Living with in-laws after marriage is a custom that Indian women have to follow even today! While it may work out well for some women, there are plenty of issues that may arise. Sometimes it is difficult to find privacy & your personal space in a joint family. What do you think? Share your views on it.

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