Issues that matterWomen & Society
Community User2 months ago
See the topic is "living with In Laws". This could be applied to both men and women. but, in our indian tradition it applies only to women. only women have to live and adjust with in laws. men won't. No matter how independent the woman is. she might have her own house, every single thing she might have bought and made by her own. Still, In laws come to her house and they start living with her. permanently. Everything finish. and From here, worst things start. Your husband won't be yours now. he will take side of his parents, blindly, during any arguments. you have to share everything with your in laws. Your time, your energy, your home, your husband and offcourse your own baby. They will show their full right on everything and everyone. but, they won't consider you as their own. They won't even consider you as a human being. They will do nothing at home, sit ideally and just want to play with your child and will expect from you to do household chores (yes offcourse, after you come from office). you don't have any right to raise your baby by your own way. they will try to raise your baby by their way and will always point out mistakes saying this should not be done, that should not be done. they will do it in a manner that one day your husband will also come to you and will say you are not a good mother at all. they will interfere in all your deeds and will hide everything from you which is related to their daughters and relatives and everyone around them. You don't have any privacy. wherever you go, you have to inform them. but, wherever they will go, they won't feel necessary to inform you. When you take your baby to your room, they will say about you that she is always sitting in her room and not getting mixed up with them. So, you start sitting with them, and they will only play with your baby and talk with your husband. you just have to sit there, give your baby to them and show everyone your smile. You have to say 'yes' in whatever they say. you don't have to argue on anything. if you do, you are not a 'Sanskari'. all these and many more adjustments. still your husband would say one day that what are you doing exactly for him and his parents, if you are loving him. you are not always ready to sacrifice. Many a times you think what is the purpose of living with in laws. they dont love you, they dont respect you. they dont consider u their family, they wont even consider you a good human being. all these things, slowly, over the period of time, your husband would also start to say to you. your relationship with your husband gets ruined. your baby was also always with them. in your own home, you are like outsider. they live like a team who meet often secretely (behind you) and agenda of the meeting is what this girl did and what not. what she was supposed to do (as per them) and what she did not do. they discuss and your husband nods them in agreement and after 2, 3 days or so, he will fight with you with all those points, which he has been taught from them. now, can please anyone tell me, what is the purpose of living with in-laws. your home is not your home, your hsuband is not your own, your baby is also their's. you cant live separately from your husband, bcz again so called society will throw arguments on you and will blame you that you couldnt adjusted with them. You also cant live with them together, bcz they will always treat you as an outsider. you have been stuck in a web from where you cannot come outside. can never come. you are stuck there forever.
Mamta DhimanMom of a 10 m old boy7 months ago
In crona situation , We have to live with inlaws joint family.They are good but 1.there is no space for your personal life and opinion. 2.Mental health is affected 3. You can't live freely 4. Cant do the things we use to do when live separate 5.Most annoying is back stabbing 6. cant buy the things with freedom,we need to tell them we are buying this that and have to show them 7. can't eat together 8. Cant take care of child properly 9. before speaking we need to make sure it wont hurt them(In short keep quite) 10.most important thing is mental health which is most affected and there is no peace
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shweta sirohiGuardian of 2 children3 months ago
Yes it's a custom and when a girl enters to her in-laws house she gives her best to make them happy because she doesn't want to take any blame on herself, but also she expects some respect, love from her husband and a place in their family but if they still doesn't want to accept her as a family member and hide everything from her and talk behind her back, prefer to talk to their son in absence of their daughter in law, then nothing can be done. In that situation separation is the only way to be happy. my mother in law supported my husband's extra marital affair and it was just 20th day of my marriage when I got to know all that, i was crying badly and she says, "to kya hua agar ye aisa kar rha h sabhi bahar muh marte hain, mere sath chal mei dikhati hu tujhe ro kar drama mat kar, and can you people believe I got fainted because I was pregnant and I didn't know that. when I got to know I am pregnant I was not happy but shocked because of the situation. my baby is 23 moths old now but when I remember all that now I still get tears. She tortured me alot for two years. My husband never listened to me because he respect his mother alot. Even when my baby was born she took him from me and said," jaise mera man karega waise palungi ise tu mere pote se dur rah" I couldn't do anything for my baby of my choice.. Anyways, list is too long, and please the people who says,"Girls ko apni mother in law ko as a mother pyar or respect krna chahiye" must read my story. Now after 2.5 years of my marriage we got separated when my husband realized I was right and she did wrong to me, my husband is nice to me now and doesn't have anyone in his life except me but I still can't forget all that and I am still depressed. Thank you
Bina biswalMom of 2 children1 month ago
living with in-laws is definitely a custom that we Indians have been following since years.with time lots of things have changed but the typical thought process that is associated with in-laws have not changed and same thing goes with the thought process that in-laws possess for a daughter in law .we have to understand that two different individuals living in two distant and distinct places and brought up by different individuals in different cultures can not be compared.Its foolish of us to compare ..Its acceptance that does wonders and comparison kills the budding,respect and accept each other,life will be wonderful together.
Deepika DiwanMom of 2 children1 month ago
It's good
Ankita DoshiMom of 2 children1 month ago
it is good to live with inlaws... they r great support for us in all d things happening in life
Neha jhaMom of a 1 yr 8 m old girl3 months ago
Yes very true that it is a custom. But why don't they (in- laws) understand that if a girl is entering her in laws house leaving everything everyone behind, she also need little care and pampering because she is the one who will be your support when you are in need. The fact that they wanted to look strict in front of the society and wants to take command (even though they think of this in different manner for their own daughter, they wanted a good and caring family for her... why don't they become one first) some things which in-laws used to say: 1. Prepare food according to my style (no matter how much you are aware of it even if you can prepare tasty food) 2. Don't wear this or that... only wear this otherwise society will scold me ( even though society is busy is there own matter) 3. Your parents don't teach you this at home ( how much you teach your daughter ?..... my parents understands me more than you do) 4. you are teaching my son to behave bad with me ( Your son is not a baby in diaper) 5. Touch feet when anyone is coming to our home and cover your silly face ( why all are coming to judge me am I showpiece ?) 6. you should only work at home because you are giving money to your parents ( who are you to say no to my work and judge me on the basis of society's observation) 7. you don't know anything about our culture, you are bad you should work more and stop reply me back. you are shameless your parents didn't scold you for answering back ( Then you also have a daughter teach her politeness as she will also go to in-laws house one time) In brackets there are words which we think In mind but will never be able to tell in front. But be positive and try to isolate yourself from this type of people.
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MomToBeExpecting Mom due this month3 months ago
it has its own pros and cons i don't have to cook and do other household stuff . I get to eat home-cooked food , no need to bother k I have to cook . I am working expecting mother, I sit in my room and work ( even if I took off from office I won't let my in laws know about it , unless I have to go out ). Yes cons , my in-laws family is quite orthodox.. I usually get to her from my mil about k ladka hoga and some totka that she is hearing from her mother since childhood.. But yeah I had to speak for my own rights my own wish, my life and my baby's gender .. better is to take rest in your room and talk less ..
simranMom of 2 children3 months ago
in-laws are not the issue at all.They are blessings in fact.In today's era everyone wat nuclear family then how your kids come to know about the love of grandparents.Parents wants boy but what son but what that son do after marriage is to maintain space and n interferance..I am also a daughter-in-law.I live with my in-laws.But I take it as my good karma that I have them.There are issues but still there is solution.which is far better. unity is strength after all.
Ayesha NaazMom of a 1 yr old boy1 month ago
living with inlaws is good and safety for mothers.. iff father mother both are working/ busy in their work. childrens can be with grand parents.. they take care off children as like parents. and childrens care lucky to have grand parents who give love blessing for childrens.
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