Divorce is not a welcome event in anyone’s life but sometimes it just happens. If you’ve been struggling post-divorce or are currently going through one, here are a couple of things you should and shouldn’t expect.
Emotional Changes After Divorce
Divorce has the ability to wreck havoc on your mental state. These are some emotional effects you are likely to experience:
You just won’t be able to accept the fact that you’ve been divorced. You feel betrayed, hurt, and your mind is unwilling to accept reality. But it’s the reality.
Guilt is another emotion you’ll feel after the divorce. Maybe you’ll feel you’ve wronged your spouse somehow or if them moving away was your fault. Maybe you’ll even try to change to suit their requirements but here’s the thing – a vase that’s once shattered cannot be restored to its original form. The same goes for your relationships.
A divorce is an earth-shattering moment for many. In fact, if your spouse was your very first love, it will rock your soul to the core and hurt you. You won’t be able to eat well, sleep properly, and thoughts about the time you spent together will linger. This nostalgia will accumulate into a shock of sorts and send shivers down your spine when you realize what just happened.
4. Accepting the Change
Once you’ve gone through the phase of anger, guilt, shock, and denial, you’ll slowly start accepting the change. You’ll realize that what’s done is done and you can’t waste your life away by just living in your mind. You will slowly start to let go and look forward to a new future ahead. Maybe that road is one you’ve never walked on before.
5. Feeling Like Yourself Again
You’ll start to feel emotionally more stable and stop thinking about your ex-spouse too much. The time you spent together, the happy and painful memories, they will slowly fade into the background. Maybe you’ll never forget them but you won’t be obsessing over them like before. Your mind will slowly start to be more open to new opportunities in life. This means making new friends, taking up a new hobby, advancing in your career, etc. It’s your start to a new life and a new you.
What to Expect After Getting a Divorce?
Nobody is a stranger to the pain of divorce. Here are some changes you can expect beyond it.
1. You’re Single
After the divorce, you’re officially single. The good side is that your newfound freedom will give you mental and emotional clarity.
2. You Focus Fully on Your Career
If you were financially dependent on your spouse before, you’ll find that now is the perfect time to pursue your career. It’s your chance to pursue something you like, make good money, and not depend on someone else for your finances.
3. You Take Responsibility
Yes, you take responsibility into your own hands. You now have to build yourself up, maybe even from scratch. There’s nothing to be ashamed of that. It can be empowering.
4. You’ll Know Who Your Real Friends Are
Forget the ones who party and desert you. You’ll know who your true friends are when they show up at your doorstep. They are the ones who will stick around for the rest of your life, no matter what you go through.
5. Your Family Will Support You
Maybe they will give you a place to stay temporarily or just be there for you emotionally. Even if they can’t help you financially, emotional help is reason enough to be grateful for.
6. You Have to Take Care of Your Kids
If you have kids from your marriage, you’ll now have to take care of them. This means more added responsibility, but don’t let that weigh you down. Think of it as rising up to the challenge and you’ll become a role model to them.
7. You Stay Alone
If you don’t have any kids, you’ll be staying alone. This means you get more me-time, cope better with the divorce, and start taking care of yourself. Your focus will be solely on yourself and not your ex.
8. You Are More Realistic
Now that you’ve gone through your first relationship, you now know what and what not to expect. It’s an experience that has made you stronger. Your standards will be higher for your future relationships and you’ll be wary about easily trusting someone with your life again.
9. You Meet New People
Your social circle will expand if you spend more time focusing on your career and hobbies. This is a natural consequence which may prove to be fruitful later on.
10. You Won’t Depend on Others
If you had been emotionally clinging onto your previous partner or dependent on him for everything, it won’t be the case now. Your happiness will be in your own hands, not in others’.
5 Mistakes You Should Avoid Doing Post Divorce
Here are five mistakes to completely avoid after divorce:
Thinking About the Past
As we said, don’t do it. It doesn’t help but just makes you feel emotionally worse
If you don’t take care of your finances or ignore budgeting, it’ll be too late at a point.
Chasing Your Partner
This is also a bad move and will further lower your self-esteem and confidence.
Not Filing Taxes
Learn how to file your taxes by yourself.
Not Looking After Your Kids
Don’t let your kids suffer because of what happened between you and your spouse. Help them out.
10 Tips to Rebuild Yourself After Separation From Your Partner
Here are ten tips to live your life after divorce from your husband or wife.
1. Mourn As Much As You Want
Whether it’s crying your heart out, punching a bag out of grief, or just journaling a lot, give yourself the chance to mourn. This is an especially important part of life after divorce.
2. Attend Therapy
If your feelings are too bottled up and talking to your friends isn’t helping, consider attending therapy.
3. Learn to Be Comfortable in Your Own Company
If you’ve become too cosy spending all your time with your ex before your divorce, now is the time to start learning how to feel comfortable by yourself. This is one of the best tips to live after divorce.
4. Discover the Real You
Since you’ll be living alone, you’ll get plenty of opportunities to discover your true self. The more you indulge in career and hobbies, you’ll get to know more and also deal with divorce.
5. Start Dating
Think of this as a transitional phase until you get to newer and more fulfilling relationships. Try dating people outside your comfort zone and see where that leads without committing to anyone or anything.
6. Go Out More
Just go outdoors. Don’t stay at home alone. Treat yourself to movies, hang out with your friends, and learn what it’s like to live in the moment.
7. Take Up a New Skill
Maybe it’s something you’ve never tried like building a computer or painting. Learning something new will teach you more about yourself.
8. Don’t Overthink It
Don’t think about your ex or talk about the subject. Move towards better and more positive things. Don’t be stuck in the downward spiral of negativity.
9. Be Financially Independent
Get into a new career if you’ve been dependent on finances earlier. This will help you maintain the lifestyle you want.
Maybe it’s playing a video game, reading a book, or going to the amusement park. Do what it takes to enjoy, smile, and just be happy.
And that’s it! Just keep this article handy whenever you’re feeling down and remind yourself that there is indeed a new life post-divorce. Give yourself time to heal, focus on a new you, and things will start looking better eventually.