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Infidelity can be a hard thing to digest. It doesn’t just shake up your faith in the relationship, but also makes you question a sea of things. Your children too can bear the brunt of this turmoil. However, you can tide over this sore spot with a little faith, a lot of patience, and the will to bury the hatchet. Here are some ways to overcome adultery the smart mature way, so your family remains tight and you are one with your husband again.
Overcoming Adultery: The Path to Take
1. Ask to Stop the Affair
You need to ask your husband to end the affair before reconciliation can take place. He should be willing to sever all ties with his lover and focus attention on working on your marriage. When he reveals all his secrets, you will be better equipped to find a way to forgive him. When you are honest, it paves the way for a healthy re-building process. Let him know that only when he can be trusted will the relationship heal. Let your children understand this cooling off period, before they assume and harbour negative emotions against either of you.
2. Build Transparency
While the details of your husband’s affair will not be pleasant to hear and assimilate, they must be laid out bare if amends are to be made. When coping with adultery, don’t be afraid to ask questions about the illicit affair. Try to have these discussions when the kids have been put to sleep. While you may think sharing the sordid details could be emotionally draining, it will instead be cathartic. Besides, you will be appreciative of your husband’s honesty and his willingness to speak out. This feeling of transparency will help build trust in your partner and also mend the relationship.
3. In for the Long Haul
If you want to fix things and heal after you’ve suffered adultery in a marriage, you will have to be patient. You should be able to allow your partner to answer questions and clear doubts six months down the line, if that’s what he wants. Don’t push. Let him know that if, like you, he too wants to save the marriage, you wouldn’t mind waiting for him to open up. Keep in mind – the healing process will not be an overnight success. It will take months, maybe years of work for a relationship to finally feel right again. While you wait through the period, behave normally with your partner in front of the kids. Don’t let your issues ruin what you share or do as parents.
4. Balanced Approach
Ensure that you keep your emotions in check. While it’s natural to feel rage and a multitude of other emotions, try to keep your head together if you want your partner to open up to you. Your erratic behaviour may make him want to run away from a confrontation or even a talk. Also, you don’t want your children to see you in that state. It could scar them emotionally for life and they may never look at you the same way again. If you control your emotions, your partner will be more willing and comfortable disclosing the details of the affair. This will help you get a sense of closure and make healing possible.
5. When You Think it Fit, Forgive
Forgiveness doesn’t come cheap and neither should it when its infidelity you’re dealing with. It needs to be earned. When you feel right about moving on and forgiving, only then should you do it. However, maintain a cordial relationship with your spouse in front of the children during the reconciliation process. Try to take a family vacation to rediscover and relive the joy that your family once knew. However, never pressure yourself to forgive. Dealing with adultery is never easy and you shouldn’t be scared to accept this. Only when you’re ready to let go of the negativity and the pain can forgiveness be your next logical step. So, take your time!
Life after adultery is difficult. While some couples resort to drastic measures, some endeavour to sort things out. The latter, which is also the preferred option, requires patience, trust, and effort. Think of your children as one of the main motivating factors to help you work on your relationship. Your little ones deserve a united family, not a broken home.