Controlling Parents – Types, Signs and How to Deal With Them

What Are Controlling Parents?

Controlled parenting is a parenting style in which one or both parents keep a close eye on their children’s activities or maintain control over their life. It’s also known as authoritarian parenting, in which the parents place a strong emphasis on discipline and rigorous adherence to rules and regulations. Such parents may be unconcerned with their children’s needs, and their general behavior may be harmful. While some parents may grow out of this practice as their children get older, others may strive to manage their adult children as well.

What Are the Types of Parental Control?

Different styles of controlling parents directly affect children, adolescents, and adults, influencing their emotional regulation and overall well-being as they get older. As a result, it’s critical to use age-appropriate strategies to foster autonomy, develop problem-solving abilities, and improve stress management. There are three sorts of parental control:

1. Psychological Control

Manipulation tactics are used to manipulate or compel youngsters to obey. Guilt, humiliation, loss of affection, emotional blackmail, and invalidating sentiments are some of the strategies used.

2. Over-Controlling Parents

Over controlling, parents are characterized by a great amount of love and support and a high level of control. Due to parental over-involvement, the dynamic results in low degrees of autonomy.

3. Behavioral Control

Parental efforts to govern and monitor a child’s conduct are known as behavioral control. Inappropriate behavioral management for a child’s age might limit possibilities for autonomous development and influence emotional and social development.

Ways of Controlling Children

Depending on the methods used by controlling parents, children may have a diverse experience with parental control. The following are two approaches to regulating practice:

1. Controlling Externally: Parenting is controlled from the outside in an obvious and overt manner. The most popular tactics used to compel children to use external consequences include shouting, striking, punishing, and praising. Internal control is not usually psychological control. Some parents engage in personal assaults or unstable emotional conduct toward their children, such as swinging between caring and assaulting. Externally dominating parenting styles include harsh parenting, helicopter parenting, and rigid parenting. All of these parenting approaches are authoritarian.
2. Controlling Internally: Subtle nonverbal cues are frequently used to exercise psychological control. When parents generate sentiments of shame and guilt, these parents primarily appeal to forces and laws that lie inside the kid. Most psychological control tactics internally regulate parenting techniques since the control is more internal, covert, and nonobvious.

Reasons Why Parents Become Controlling

They may have a few unfair expectations, which might lead to them being controlling parents. Controlled parenting, regardless of aim, may have adverse consequences. Some reasons for controlling behavior in parents are:

• Some parents may not want to sacrifice their ego or dominance or to treat their children equally when they have grown up. They may feel lonely and wish for their children to be there for them anytime they require assistance.
• Unlived lives: Parents have strong opinions about their children’s lives because they want them to experience things that they never did.
• They don’t want their children to make errors in life, some parents may become overbearing. As a result, they become overprotective.
• Another factor might be apprehension about losing children. They may be terrified about growing up and being separated from their children. In this instance, they strive to maintain control and ensure that the child is constantly present.

Signs That Indicate Your Parents Are Controlling

The connection between the parents and the adult kid should grow through time as the child evolves into an adult. Otherwise, as in the case of regulated parenting, the equation may unravel. The following are some indications of a domineering parent:

1. Your Parents Are Always Going to Have an Opinion About You

Do your parents advise you what to eat, dress, or even what job path you should take? Do they pass judgment on you, have an opinion about everything you do or say, and try to persuade you to adopt their perspective? Then your parents are most likely domineering. When you’re a youngster, having counsel is beneficial, but such viewpoints may be overwhelming and leave you in a bind as an adult. You’ll eventually get reliant on their approval and may find it tough to make wise judgments on your own.

2. Your Parents Handle Your Obligations

You’re an adult now, and you’re capable of handling your responsibilities, whether it’s traveling alone, cleaning your room, or managing your money. However, if your parents are always attempting to do your responsibilities, they may exert control over you.

3. No Privacy

If your parents don’t allow you to have privacy, offer each other some space. This basic concept also applies to adult children’s relationships with their parents. Either of your parents may be violating your privacy because of their domineering personality. Your parents might be monitoring you on Facebook or other social networking sites, reading your emails, or listening to your phone calls, to name a few instances. Remember that there is a fine line between your parents monitoring your internet activity as a youngster and meddling with and reading your communications as an adult.

4. Your Parents Are Unkind and Uncaring

Controlling parents may supply their children with basics, but they may not comprehend them. They may not be sympathetic to you owing to their busy schedules or a desire not to lose control over you.

5. Your Parents Have Complete Control Over You

It is a symptom of control if your parents continue to control you by rejecting your ideas or forcing you to do something against your will. For example, it indicates dominance if your parents compel you to sample a dish you dislike.

6. You’re Made to Feel Obligated by Your Parents

You may feel forced to do what your parents want of you if they continually remind you of how much they have done for you. However, if they desire something from you that you don’t want, they might be a controlling parent.

7. Your Parents Are Controlling

If your parents frequently pressurize, shame, or blame you, it might be a symptom of manipulative parenting. This is a hidden or passive kind of parenting in which the kid is compelled to do something they do not want to do.

8. Their Compassion and Love Are Sometimes Conditional

If you follow their instructions, they will lavish you with love and admiration. They grow irritated and may threaten to withdraw their financial assistance if you ever follow your heart.

9. Dramatic

When you don’t do what they want, they get a little too theatrical. Controlling parents may become enraged, act erratically, and even claim that your failure to follow their instructions has injured them mentally.

10. They Tend to Magnify Your Errors

Overbearing parents will make you regret even the tiniest of errors. They’ll keep reminding you of your errors and try to persuade you that everything happened because you didn’t listen to them.

Effects of Controlling Parenting on Children

Overparenting is typically motivated by concern for a child’s well-being or a desire to live vicariously through them; nonetheless, there are a few areas of impact of controlling parents on mental health, it prevents children from making decisions, solving issues, and learning how to cope with emotions and change. Children of controlling parents are forced to submit to parental authority, which leads to emotional uneasiness and reliance as they grow older. parents too controlling  can lead to the following:

• Codependency
• Disobedience
• Delinquency
• Symptoms of anxiety
• Symptoms of depression
• Insecurity on the emotional level
• Aggressive actions
• Possessing a negative self-perception
• Low self-confidence
• Emotional dysregulation
• Ability to perceive emotions is limited.

What Can Be the Consequences of Controlling Parents?

Even if the adult is living independently, the impact of having controlling parents might persist or worsen as life throws new challenges at them. This can lead to bad relationships, low self-esteem, and a low-stress tolerance, among other things. The following are some of the long-term implications of having domineering parents:

• Taking part in high-risk activities
• Substance abuse has increased.
• Relationships that are unhealthy
• Low self-esteem and self-efficacy, as well as a low threshold for stress
• Poorly defined borders
• Struggles with mental illness

The alteration in family relationships is another issue of having domineering parents. More emerging adults (ages 18-29) are staying at home longer or returning home for several reasons. Adults who stay at home with extremely controlling parents may engage in antisocial or withdrawn behavior as a means of coping with their lack of independence, which can severely impact present and future relationships.

Tips to Deal With Controlling Parents

It takes time, patience, and persistence to learn to deal with overbearing parents. Set reasonable goals for yourself and keep reminding yourself why you’re using coping mechanisms. It is possible to start making positive adjustments for your physical and mental well-being. Here are nine tips to cope with controlling parents:

1. Recognize and Accept the Issue

Recognizing controlling tendencies and learning about overbearing parents can bring relief and enable you to make changes. Accept that you have no power to force your parents to change their ways, but you have control over your emotions, limits, and connection with them. Concentrate on what you have control over.

2. Define Your Boundaries

Boundaries are good because they allow you to emphasize that certain actions will not be tolerated for the benefit of your emotional well-being. They can also be used to teach others what is and is not acceptable. 

3. Create a Support Network

Connecting with others who have dealt with similar challenges may be reassuring and might help to relieve feelings of isolation. Having a strong support system of people you can trust might also help you stick to your boundaries.

4. Make Room for It

A helpful coping strategy is taking a break or making space. Going for a stroll, restricting visits or phone calls, or moving into your apartment are all examples of creating space. Space can provide a safe haven for you to process your emotions and ideas apart from your parents. It allows you to think about your aspirations and boundaries.

5. Pick Your Battles

It might be exhausting to face and defend every offense. Find a happy medium between confronting concerns and letting other things drift. This does not necessarily imply that you agree with the crime; rather, it may be a means of self-preservation.

6. Boost Your Emotional Health

Increasing your self-esteem can provide you confidence and comfort that you’re making good decisions. It can also assist you in identifying and defining your genuine self.

7. Keep Disclosures to a Minimum

You are not obligated to tell your parents everything. To prevent unwanted counsel, berating of decisions, or unpleasant criticism, it’s okay to keep your disclosures to a minimum. Limiting disclosures will help you preserve your connection while retaining your chosen level of privacy.

8. Recognize Your Limitations

Work on knowing when you’ve had enough and having an escape route available, similar to setting limits. Allowing yourself to leave or take a step back reinforces the importance of your sentiments and self-worth.

Can Therapy Help People Impacted by Controlling Parents?

The individual, group, and family therapy are all alternatives for dealing with problems caused by overbearing parents. Each provides a secure environment to learn about and understand how to cope with the impacts of controlling parents. Therapy also allows you to learn more about communication skills, mental health diagnoses, coping skills, good boundary establishing, healthy relationship development, and raising your emotional discomfort tolerance.

It might be tough to acknowledge our challenges, but we don’t have to go through them alone or in silence. Reaching out for help is a courageous act. Talking to a therapist, a trusted friend or family member, or a support group can assist with the difficulties that come with having overbearing parents. Remember that your suffering is real and deserving of treatment.

Also Read:

Ways to Improve Your Parenting Skills
Signs of Toxic Parenting and Tips to Overcome
Signs of Bad Parenting and Its Impact on Children