20 Best Funny Poems For Kids
There’s nothing like funny rhyming poems for kids to quickly deliver some humor along with the depth of imagination. If you like reading humorous poems to tickle your funny bone, here’s our top pick that is sure to make you chuckle.
20 Funny Poems For Children
Check out poems your children would love:
Written by Shel Silverstein, it’s all about perspectives.
I made myself a snowball
As perfect as could be.
I thought I’d keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas
And a pillow for its head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first, it wet the bed.
This one written by Steve Hanson is something we can all relate to.
I was really gassy
visiting New York.
There were many times
I wished I had a cork.
I farted at museums
with Lady Liberty.
Then I was on Wall Street
and really set them free.
I tooted in Time Square
and blasted Central Park.
When we watched a play,
I butt-honked after dark.
I farted all the time.
I farted myself silly.
If you go to New York,
do NOT eat any chili!
3. My Big Fat Cat
Cat lovers can relate to this one by Christian M. Mitewu.
I own a big fat cat-
The fattest for miles around.
Wherever there’s lots of food,
That’s where he’ll be found.
He’s really good at eating.
It’s a talent, I suppose.
I’m sure if he keeps at it
He’d win the talent shows.
I own a big fat cat-
He weighs at least a ton.
He couldn’t run to save his life.
Yes, he isn’t much fun.
His favorite room’s the kitchen.
(I’m sure we all know why.)
He eats just about everything,
So that’s why, with a sigh…
I’d like to tell you, Teacher,
I’d like to tell you straight,
I might have “accidentally” dropped
My homework in his plate.
4. The Elephant Has a Bad Earache
When the whole zoo is feeling under the weather! by Denise Rodgers.
The elephant has a bad earache.
The centipede stubbed all his toes.
The giraffe has developed a nasty sore throat
and the rhino can’t breathe through his nose.
The mockingbird has an unclear ache.
The lion’s so hoarse he can’t roar.
The hog cannot eat, as his tummy’s upset,
and the parrot can’t talk anymore.
The doe has a pain in the deer ache.
Just what should the beast doctor do?
The duck is so sick she can’t possibly float.
It’s a really bad day at the zoo.
Here are long funny poems for children in English by Steve Hanson
Today we got the first pop quiz
I could actually do!
Usually when we take a test
I haven’t got a clue.
The first question was easy:
Find a booger in your nose.
Then wipe it on the paper
instead of on your clothes.
I had to list ten chocolate bars
and nine video games.
Then I had to come up
with a dozen crazy claims.
6. Expand-O Ray
Here’s another highly imaginative one by Steve Hanson:
Today I came across
my own Expand-o gun.
It makes anything big —
I think this will be fun!
I aim it at my bed
until it fills the room
then slide down from the top
in my king’s costume.
I cut a little seat
out of a juicy pear
and then I expand it
into a royal chair.
I plan to turn a tack
into a mighty sword,
but my gun won’t stop —
I even yank the cord!
It hits the toilet bowl.
I watch it grow and grow:
The handle’s in the clouds!
That’s bad! I have to go!
Here’s a short one by Denise Rodgers
A bee comes tapping at my screen,
Buzzing, bumping, sounding mean.
Bouncing, pushing, acting wired,
With no thought of getting tired.
¨I could say,
“Dear bee, what is it?
Would you like to come and visit?”
But I feel his anger’s keen.
So I’m glad I have a screen!
8. Little Boy Blue
Here’s one of the best short funny poems on having a cold. By Darren Sardelli.
You sneezed on Miss Muffet
and ruined her clothes.
You sprayed Mother Hubbard
and now she is sick.
You put out the fire
on Jack’s candlestick.
Your sneeze is the reason
why Humpty fell down.
You drenched Yankee Doodle
when he came to town.
The blind mice are angry!
The sheep are upset!
From now on, use a tissue
so no one gets wet!
9. Slicing Salami
This is one is a funny Valentine poem by Denise Rodgers.
The strangest, strange stranger I met in my life
was the man who made use of his nose like a knife.
He’d slice up salami, tomatoes, and cheese
at the tip of his nose with phenomenal ease.
He’d buy food in bulk at incredible prices
and then use his nose to reduce it to slices.
His wife ran away and I know that he’ll miss her.
The woman was frightened that one day he’d kiss her!
10. Dog and Pony Show
Because who wouldn’t love them! By Denise Rodgers.
Come see our dog and pony show.
there is no better place to go.
The dog wears ties, the pony, pants.
They both stand up to sing and dance.
The hoof and paw an old soft-shoe.
They harmonize the whole time through.
They raise their hats and take a bow.
Was this a show? I’ll say, and how!
11. Carpet Seeds
This is an interesting carpet poem by Steve Hanson.
I sprinkled carpet seeds
before going to bed.
They’re tiny little pods
of balled-up dark green thread
Immediately my floor
sprouted fine green hair.
It grew up through my toes!
I leaped onto the chair!
A rug crept up the wall.
My room had Berber drawers.
A tapestry had grown
clear across the doors.
A dozen fiber vines
tangled through my room.
A nylon carpet flower
opened in full bloom.
I could not believe
the way the fabric spread…
I’m glad I didn’t plant
the leopard seeds instead!
12. Standing on a Chair
Imagination meets the real world. By Steve Hanson
I’m standing on a chair!
I’m standing on a chair!
I don’t know why Mom’s worried
I’m just standing on a chair!
You’d think she’d be freaked out
By the lion in my room
But seeing shoes on fabric
Is what makes her fume.
I bath with toxic jellyfish.
I ride a crocodile.
But if I’m on the sofa then
Her mood becomes hostile.
I often sleep with scorpions
And wrestle with a bear.
I don’t know why Mom’s worried.
I’m just standing on a chair!
13. I’m Going to Be Famous
Doing great things. By Steve Hanson.
I’m going to be famous!
I’m going to be great!
For every award
I’m the best candidate.
I’ve got an idea
to solve world peace.
I know how to force
every famine to cease.
I’ll power our town
with four sweaty socks
Or make a vaccine
for every pox.
I’ll reduce the garbage
in landfills by nine.
Wherever you’re shopping,
there won’t be a line.
I’d love to complete
all of this before bed
But Mom wants my room
to be cleaned up instead!
14. My Sister’s Room
A funny poem that siblings can relate to. By Denise Rodgers
I have plans for my sister’s room
Which I’ve renamed the den of doom,
While she is gone for three days (three!)
With plans to have more fun than me.
There’s ice cream for her pillowcase
(Nice and sticky for her face).
Rubber spiders for her sheets,
(A nice and soothing bed-time treat.)
I’ll read her journal — glue it shut,
And tell my mom it’s filled with smut.
I’ll stuff her shoes with pistachios,
Her posters I’ll mustachio.
Give me time, I’ll think of more.
What’s that? My sister locked her door!?!
I’m so angry I could bust.
It’s sad when sisters don’t have trust.
15. My Uncle Jack
This is everybody’s hairy Uncle Jack! By Denise Rodgers.
This poem is a tale about my Uncle Jack
who has hair on his legs, on his arms, on his back,
on his knees, on his hands, hair all over the place.
And if he didn’t shave, he’d have hair on his face.
The only place lacking of hair is his head.
He has a white dome of smooth skin there instead.
He peels fresh bananas and eats like Gozilla.
By no, you have guessed . . .
He’s a piebald gorilla.
16. Cow In My Soup
There is always something in the soup. By Kevin T. Pearson.
My mom said, “Eat all your soup,
every piece of chicken and every noodle.”
But there’s a cow in my soup.
I need to get him out of there.
I don’t know if he can swim.
How he got there, I’m not aware.
My mom says, “Stop slurping your soup,”
every time he starts to moo.
Heck, I’m just hoping he doesn’t poop
He keeps splashing me with his tail.
My mom says, “You’re making a mess.”
She must have gotten this soup on sale.
I give up; it’s no use.
My mom says, “For dessert,
We’re having chocolate mousse.”
17. Herbert Hilbert Hubert Snod
That one strange kid in every class. By Denise Rodgers.
Herbert Hilbert Hubert Snod
was known for eating all things odd.
The thing that bothered me the most
has he spread toothpaste on his toast?
“It’s springtime fresh, so cool and minty.”
His smiling eyes were bright and squinty.
On baked potatoes, he would slather
one half can of shave cream lather.
I don’t know how his tum could cope
as he ingested cubes of soap.
At times his food choice made a scene;
at least he kept his innards clean.
18. Front Row
The dreaded front row! By Denise Rodgers.
My desk is in the first two rows
that’s just beneath the teacher’s nose
Her eyes are on me, just like glue.
She watches everything I do.
I raise my hand. I seldom speak.
I swear I am the perfect geek.
I wish I was row four or five,
and then I’d really come alive.
I’d throw some spitballs, pass some notes.
I’d really get the teacher’s goat.
I’d make them laugh. I’d be a ham.
I like to joke. That’s who I am.
My teacher knows — and what I fear
Is that is why she keeps me near.
19. My Long-Eared Dog
Poem by Denise Rodgers.
My long-eared dog is very sweet.
He loves to lick my stinky feet.
And that is why I’d use my mace
before I’d let him lick my face.
20. Sweet Tooth Andy
For those who love sweets! By Denise Rodgers.
Have you heard of sweet-tooth Andy?
Makes his bed with sugar candy.
And it never fails . . . by dawn
all of Andy’s bed is gone.
Poems have an interesting way of expressing witty humor in short quick verses. This list covers a range of poems from animals to people to vivid fantasies.