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Ever asked another woman to check the back of your clothes for period stains? Or cursed yourself for wearing good lingerie while expecting your period and ending up turning it into a period panty? We’ve rounded up 18 most hilarious things ALL women do secretly on their period; you have to read this.
Beware, shark week is here! Somebody tell your husband to stock up on the chocolate and your kids to be on their best behaviour because momster is turning into a monster on an emotional rollercoaster for a few days! Okay, it isn’t always so bad, and we’re honestly superheroes who can bleed for five days (more or less) and still go about being wives, mommies and daughters to people successfully.
18 HILARIOUS Things All Women Do On Their Period…But In “Secret”!
In honour of our period days, we’ve decided to put down a girl code that we’re sure you will find yourself secretly giggling to. Yes, we’re going to talk about those things ALL women do on their period in secret. We know you’ve done these too!
1. You felt something wet and asked someone to check if you’re stained. Or worse, there’s no one around, and you have to wiggle your body and test your flexibility to check for yourself.
2. Examined your pad or tampon when you are changing because somehow seeing how much it soaked up is very exciting. And not to forget checking out those slimy blood clots!
3. Layered a couple of pads at night to curb every chance of leakage and felt like you should have just stolen one of your baby’s nappies instead.
4. Looked at the blood flow while taking a shower. And wondered how to get out, wipe yourself, and quickly change before any blood drops fall to the floor.
5. Sat on the toilet and pooped more than ever thanks to your period. Or the exact opposite – not pooped in forever and felt stuffed. Thanks, period!
6. Period shows up in public: First, you frantically ask every woman around for a pad or tampon. Then, you either act as quick as a ninja and snatch the pad/tampon and tuck it under your sleeve, top, or in your purse, and you dash to the toilet. If no one around has a pad/tampon, you made do with layers of toilet paper.
7. Sat down and heard a squishy sound and wondered if your backside looks like a crime scene already. Then you realise it could just be sweat from all the layering.
8. Had to flush the toilet multiple times because there’s a red blotch stuck to the bottom of the toilet water.
9. Had all your emotions pour out of your eyes when watching or feeling something otherwise inconsequential!
10. Checking every chair or couch you get comfortable on, in case you left your mark on it.
11. Felt like a baby with a full nappy after a long nap, or in the morning.
12. Not being able to tell the difference between “I’m bloated and this is period pain” and “I need to poop” pain till you have to finally go.
13. Tried to slyly adjust your pad in public and look like you are pulling out a wedge.
14. Pulled out all your loose tops for the week to hide the bloat and also worn only dark colours waist down! Wardrobe shift, anyone?
15. Felt that sudden flow between your legs and panicked about staining.
16. Dreaded day two of your period before it even comes because we all know how ruthless day two can be! Bring out the hot water bag, painkillers and chocolate, already.
17. Felt super thrilled when the blood starts to change to a brownish shade because you know the end is near!
18. Ditched the ugly period panties for your nice lacy lingerie only to realise you’re still spotting!
Love them, hate them; you cannot avoid periods. Eating clean has been known to significantly reduce period pain. Drink plenty of water and make sure you get plenty of cuddles from your kids and hubby, and soon your emotions and pain will stabilise. Light exercising too is known to help relieve cramps! Take your period days as a time-out from mommy duties to just relax a little; you deserve it!