11 Things You Need To Know Before You Feel Like a Failure as a Mother
Super daughter, super wife, super woman, super mom… super tired! Does that sound like your story? Then we recommend you definitely read this.
We’ve all been there, done that… and many of us keep on going there again and again. In fact we seem to like it.
We are talking about the “bad-mom” guilt trip.
While it is alright to go on such trips and give yourself a good cry once in a while, there is something very seriously wrong if you find yourself doing this on a daily basis.Sometimes women just need to let out some steam, vent out a bit, and it is okay to go on such a trip on one of these days.Problems arise when we start to believe in all these things more than we believe in ourselves. And we all know fully well that these times do come, don’t they?
11 Things To Tell Yourself Loud and Clear When You Feel Like a Failure
First off, find yourself a comfortable spot to sit. We highly recommend plonking yourself on the bed amidst a big pile of pillows. Take 3 deep breaths, and then tell yourself the following things:
1. “The fact that I feel so miserable means I am a caring mom who loves her family and her children.”
Change your perspective – are you miserable about how you’re failing as a mom? Good! It shows your conscience is still in place,that you care for your kids and family, and that you are going to try until it perhaps kills you to set things right! (Just kidding, you’re not going to die!) That’s a remarkable show of commitment,conviction, and determination than most people manage to exhibit in their lives.
2. “Just because I have doubts doesn’t mean I am a bad person.”
Everyone has doubts. Remember the times when you were younger and doubted yourself – in college, in academics, in relationships? And look at yourself now!You turned out pretty alright, didn’t you? So will your kids. We know ‘don’t doubt yourself’ is easier said than done, so instead,we are going to give you one small technique to root out doubts: think of 3 simple things you did today, that turned out right.Nailed a 5km run in 30 minutes? Flipped an omelette? Sewed a button on your child’s uniform? Changed your child’s nappy in under 5 minutes without any help?It could be anything. As long as you can find three things you did today that worked out right. And once you do, ask yourself – do you really have any legit reason to doubt yourself?
3. “It’s okay if I don’t have all the answers to all the questions, all the time.”
Don’t know the best way to get your toddler to eat? Do not know how to get your child to stop sucking her thumb?Can’t figure a way to get her to bed on time? That’s okay! It’s alright not to just know all the answers all the time – as long as you are willing to learn and seek them, you’ll do just fine.
4. “It might seem chaotic right now, but it is all going to sort out in due time.”
You might feel like your kids are getting out of hand, the house is a mess, your in-laws hate you – but these are all just perceptions, and they are not all always true.It’s okay if your parents-in-law do not approve of every single thing you do, it’s alright to have a slightly messy house, and when their time comes,your kids will rise to the occasion and shine bright. Have faith in your abilities, your skills, and your upbringing of your children.
5. “I am doing more than just my best.”
Notice how you are more tired now than you have ever been before in your whole life? That’s because you are doing more for anyone than you have ever done in your life!How can that possibly make you a failure? It can’t. So don’t ever feel like you are not doing enough. Just remember this inspiration for moms like a thumb-rule!
6. “It was a mistake, not a crime – and I am not going to treat it like one.”
One of the biggest mistakes (haha, ‘mistake’) that we moms make is to criminalise ourselves, hold ourselves indefinitely guilty, and not realise that a mistake is a ‘mistake’ and not a crime.It’s okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are how we learn. You know you genuinely meant to get up on time and prepare breakfast for your kids and husband,but you were so tired that you slept through the alarm. It was a mistake, so don’t blow it out of proportion.
7. “I will use my mistakes as an opportunity to teach my children life lessons.”
What about? About conscience, repentance, acceptance, and forgiveness. We always talk about how it is important to forgive and forget – but we always forget to include ourselves in our list of ‘people to forgive’.Yes, it is equally important to be able to forgive yourself, to be able to accept yourself with your shortcomings,to be able to repent when you make mistakes, and to thereby cultivate a healthy conscience. Teach your child about these things when you feel like you have failed, and turn your failures into successes.
8. “I will not feel guilty or miserable about my shortcomings.”
Whoever said you have to be perfect anyway? You don’t. Because ‘perfect’ doesn’t exist. All that exists is ‘real’, ‘raw’.Stop burdening yourself with the ideal of motherhood – an ideal mother must do this, must do that, must never ever do this…get rid of all these ‘must’s. They do you no good other than to pressurise you and make you feel worse about yourself.So you are not the greatest cook, but you can teach your daughter a thing or two about basketball, self-defence, and how to throw a perfect party.You can teach your son about how to be sensitive, which books he should read before he turns 25, and how to make the bed perfectly.
9. “That woman who seems to have it all together, doesn’t have it all together, just like I don’t.”
Everyone is going through the same struggle, so stop comparing. Stop this moment. Comparison never did anyone any good.Besides, you never know what the story of that perfect mom really is – she could be going through a lot of problems, who’s to say otherwise?Some people are just better at not letting it show. And that’s okay. Know you are doing your best, and be happy about it.
10. “I am not a bad mom, I am just a tired mom.”
It is easy to believe all the bad things about yourself, all the negative self-talk, when you are weak, tired, and exhausted.But these are the moments when you should run miles away from such thoughts in fact. It is easy to believe the worst in you than the best in you,because that is how we are brought up – to strive continuously to bet better. We are brought up to believe there is always room for improvement,and so we are never good enough for our own selves, our own approval. Son the next time you feel like a failure as a mother,take a nap. Make yourself a cup of tea or coffee, have a drink, have a doughnut. Go for a run. Do something that rejuvenates you, and watch as your feelings of failure fade away!
11. “I am not going to turn one bad day into a bad life!”
Didn’t make your kids breakfast today? But you did yesterday, right? No? Okay, how about day before? Yes! You did, didn’t you? And all the days and weeks before that too, right?One failed chore doesn’t make you a bad mom, and doesn’t mean you’ve failed at life! Relax!
There moms, we bet you’re feeling better now! Whenever you feel down and out,
just tell yourself these things and remember – you’re a great mom, and a mother can never be a failure!